


Every Job Is Important

by followyourenergy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Doctor Castiel, Gay Castiel, Gay Dean Winchester, Kid Fic, M/M, Sanitation Worker Dean, Shy Dean, Single Parent Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-11 05:59:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11708262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/followyourenergy/pseuds/followyourenergy
Summary: Castiel Novak's son Elijah has befriended the sanitation workers that come to pick up the trash every Tuesday.  Castiel finally gets to meet the mysterious workers, known to him as Mr. Dean, Mr. Benny, and Mr. Rufus, when he has to go to work late for a few Tuesdays while his sister attends a class.  Castiel is thrilled that these workers treat his son so considerately, and he develops an attraction to Mr. Dean that goes beyond his appreciation for Dean's kindness toward his son.  Dean, meanwhile, adores the little child who looks up to him, and when he meets his father, he begins to think of what it might be like to have a family of his own with them.  Dean is ashamed of his job, though, and thinks he can't possibly be good enough for the loving, handsome doctor and his sweet child.  Will Castiel be able to convince Dean that he has value, and that he's all Castiel wants?





	1. First Tuesday

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by the videos floating around the internet of little ones and their fascination with the sanitation workers who come to their neighborhoods. I love how children are able to see the value of people doing important jobs that we sometimes take for granted. 
> 
> This fic was supposed to be 5,000 words or less. So much for that!

“Daddy, he says hi to me every time!  And he gets to see raccoons!  I wanna see raccoons!”       

Castiel was listening to his 4-year-old son, Elijah, talk about the “trash guy” again.  He heard about the man every week, particularly just before and just after their Tuesday pick-up day.  Castiel thought it was adorable, although truth be told he thought almost everything the boy did was adorable. 

“And Daddy, he rides on a big truck!  It goes  _vrooooom_  and then  _errrrrr_  and then  _vrooooom_ ,” the blue-eyed boy said as he imitated the sounds of the truck going and stopping and going again.  “And he jumps off and he lifts the trash cans way over his head!”

“He’s strong,” Castiel observed.

“Yeah!  He’s like Superman!  But he says he’s Batman.”

“Batman, hmm?”

“Yeah!  But he can’t be because he doesn’t wear a mask!  I told him that but he said he only wears it when he’s out saving the world from the  _bad guys_.”  The young boy growled the last two words playfully.  He clenched his tiny hands into fists and punched the air.

Castiel smiled fondly at his son.  “Maybe when you’re all grown up, you can save the world from bad guys too.”

“I wanna be a trash guy!”

“Then you can do that,” he said as he lifted his boy from his chair.  “That’s an important job, too.  Every job is important.”  He kissed the boy’s cheeks as he squirmed and squealed in delight.  “Auntie Anna’s taking you to the zoo today when she’s done her class.  Go get dressed.  But wash your hands first, they’re sticky, sticky, sticky!” he said as he nuzzled into his son’s neck, making him squeal again.  He placed him on his feet and watched him scamper away before picking up their breakfast dishes and loading the dishwasher.

Staff meetings were on Tuesdays before office hours, so Castiel had never seen this mysterious sanitation worker they called “Mr. Dean” or the others about whom Elijah talked.  Anna, who took care of Elijah when Castiel worked, was usually the one at his home when he came by.  She was starting a six-week intensive class on Tuesdays at the local college so Castiel was going in to work late.  “Dean is gorgeous, Cas,” she had told him when they’d first met, “and super nice to Eli.  And, I think he bats for your team.”  She had tried to bring it up a few times since, but Castiel had dismissed the notion.  Statistically speaking, the man probably didn’t.  It would be nice, though.  He’d love to find a handsome, funny, hard-working man who didn’t run away screaming when children were part of the equation.

The noise of the sanitation truck far down the street pulled Castiel out of his daydream.   “Hey Eli, Mr. Dean is coming down the street!  Hurry up!”

“Yay, yay, yay!” he yelled as he rounded the corner, dressed in the red shorts and striped top Castiel set out for him.  “Can we give him lemonade, Daddy?  It’s hot!”

Castiel smiled at his son’s thoughtfulness.  “Of course.  I’ll get the coffee cups so he can take it with him.  Thank you for thinking of others.”

“And Mr. Benny too!  Mr. Benny will be hot, too!  It’s super- _duper_  hot out!”

Castiel chuckled.  “Yes it is, Bug.  Mr. Benny will get some, too, and Mr. Rufus in the truck.”  He poured lemonade into three disposable paper coffee cups and snapped the lids on them as Elijah ran out the door to wait in the front yard.  “Stay in the fence!”  Castiel called after him, even though he knew Eli knew the rules.  He rolled the sleeves of his white dress shirt up to his elbows and ran a hand through his dark brown hair.  He longed to be in his favorite t-shirt and running shorts instead of the dress casual he usually wore to work, which was even dressier today thanks to a meeting with administrators and investors about a potential trial of a new surgery method he’d developed.  The oppressive air was creeping into the house through the screen door.  Castiel stepped onto the porch, cradling the cups in the crook of his elbow as he closed the doors so that the air conditioning would have a fighting chance against the humid July weather.

“Come on, Daddy!  Come on!  There they are!”  The truck was just a few houses away.  Castiel gave two of the cups to Elijah so he could give them to the sanitation workers who rode on the back of the truck.  He held the third for the driver.  Elijah jumped up and down and a little spilled out of the tiny holes at the tops of the cups.  Cas lay a hand on his shoulder to calm him down. 

Two tall men collected the waste across the street, then walked across to their home.  They both waved at Elijah.

“Daddy gave me lemonade for you!” he shouted as they approached. 

They were both remarkable-looking men, but the one on the right was heavenly.  Tall, brown hair that appeared lightened by summer days spent outdoors, a slight bounce to his step due to slightly bowed legs, and a smile that rivaled the sun that was beating down on the asphalt. 

“He did?  Wow, that was nice of him!” the man on the left said in a thick Cajun accent as he accepted the cup from Elijah.  That one must be Benny.  Elijah had told him that Benny “talks funny.”  Which meant the one on the right who was just coming to lean against the fence to talk to Elijah must be Dean.  Anna wasn’t kidding when she said he was gorgeous.  In fact, she may have been underestimating his appeal.  It was starting to feel a lot warmer out here.

“Is this your dad?” he heard Dean say in a deep voice.  He was still looking at Elijah as he pointed to Castiel.

“Yeah!  Daddy, it’s Mr. Dean and Mr. Benny!”

“Hi, I’m Castiel, Elijah’s dad,” he said as he turned and extended a hand to Benny.  He didn’t think he could greet Dean first.  His palms were already starting to sweat.  He needed to remember how to function properly before turning to the beautiful man.  In his work, he met new people often, although he wasn’t attracted to them.  He could do this.

“Pleased to meet you,” Benny said as he smiled.  He removed his glove and shook Castiel’s hand. 

“And you,” Castiel responded.  He turned to Dean and extended his hand.  “Hello, Dean.  I’m Castiel.”

Dean hesitated before taking off his glove and shaking Castiel’s hand.  From this distance, he could see the freckles on the man’s tanned face and a pair of sparkling green eyes.  He seemed a little shy, although Castiel wasn’t sure why.  From everything he’d heard from both Elijah and Anna, he hadn’t sounded like the shy type.  Dean seemed to remember he was supposed to respond.  “Um, Dean!  I’m Dean.  Nice to meet you, Cas.  Uh, Castiel, sorry.  You have a great son here.”

Castiel smiled warmly.  “Cas is fine.  And it seems to be a mutual admiration club.  He thinks you are wonderful.”

Dean, once again, looked bashful.  “Ah, not as great as you, buddy,” he said, looking back at Elijah, who giggled.  He seemed more comfortable around Elijah than Castiel.

“Thank you both for taking the time to indulge my son.  I know you’re on a schedule, but he is fascinated by your work,” Castiel said as he shifted a few inches so he could address them both.

“No worries, it’s fun.  Right, Dean?” Benny asked as he slapped Dean’s shoulder.  Dean startled.

“Yeah, absolutely,” he answered, glancing at the ground briefly before meeting Cas’ eyes and smiling.  Castiel returned his smile.  Dean licked his lips and glanced at the ground again before catching Benny’s eyes.

“Well, we gotta get back to it.  See you next week, buddy!” Benny said as he fist-bumped with the four-year-old.  “Hey, is your daddy gonna be here next week, too?” 

Before Castiel could answer, Elijah piped up, “No, he’s doing doctor stuff.”

“Yes, I will be, remember, Bug?  Auntie Anna’s going to school for a few weeks.”

“Big people’s school!” he remembered with excitement.

“Yes, big people’s school, so I’ll be going in to work late on Tuesdays until the end of August.”

“Oh yeah!  I forgot.”

“It’s okay, Bug,” Castiel said as he lifted Elijah into his arms and kissed his cheek.  “Can you say goodbye to Mr. Benny and Mr. Dean?  Oh, and give this to Mr. Dean for Mr. Rufus.”  He handed his son the covered cup.

“No, I wanna give it to Mr. Rufus!  Mr. Dean, I have to say bye to Mr. Rufus in the truck and give him lemonade!”  He started holding his arms out to Dean and wiggling out of his father’s arms.

“Um, your sister usually lets me take him to say hi to our driver,” Dean haltingly explained. 

Cas was slightly surprised but not worried.  “Okay, that’s fine,” he said to Dean, then to Elijah he said, “but be quick, Eli, they have work to do.”  He plopped his son down onto his feet.  Dean took his hand and they stayed on the sidewalk.  He picked him up over his head and onto his shoulders so they could greet Mr. Rufus through the passenger window and hand him his lemonade.  When they came back, the workers said their goodbyes and rumbled down the street, Castiel and Elijah waving at them before turning to head into the backyard to play until Anna arrived.

***

Dean was quiet as they washed up and sat down for lunch.  He was really hoping Benny hadn’t noticed.  He did, of course.

“So, what’d you think of Elijah’s dad?”  The bastard had to audacity to smirk at him.

“Nice guy.”  Yeah, that ought to pacify him.  It didn’t, of course.

“Yeah, real nice guy… has a cute kid that he adores, good job, hot as hell…”

Dean turned and raised an eyebrow at Benny to hide his own embarrassment.  “Since when are you the judge of hot guys?”

“Hey, objectively speaking, the guy’s good looking.  Don’t tell me you didn’t notice,” Benny said as he arched an eyebrow.

Oh hell, he had noticed.  The guy was hotter than the sweltering temps that were making him sweat through his t-shirt.  Dark hair, tanned skin, blue eyes… and those hands.  Damn.  He was a sucker for a nice pair of hands.  Unfortunately, the guy also had nice clothes and a nice house and probably a nice, attractive, professional wife.  She was probably a doctor, too, probably saving kids on some pediatric unit, which was why Elijah’s aunt cared for him during the day.   Damn.  All the good ones were straight or taken or just too good for a blue-collar guy.

“He’s alright,” he finally said to Benny.

Benny chuckled.  “Uh, yeah, alright my ass.  ‘Nice to meet you,  _Cas_.  I forget my own name when I’m around you,  _Cas_.  Got a king size bed in that house of yours,  _Cas_?’” Benny teased.  Dean glared at him.

“Doesn’t matter.  Guy has a kid.  Straight.”

“Not necessarily.”

“Yeah, well, even if he wasn’t, you think he’s gonna want to slum it with the garbage man?”

“Never know, brother.”

Dean scoffed.  “Yeah, no one wants to slum it with the garbage man, Benny.”

“Yeah, well, he looked pretty interested to me.”

“You have an overactive imagination.  You and everyone else who tries to set me up with dates.”

“Ain’t no shame in what we do.”

“I’m not gonna be a doctor’s boyfriend.”

“You sell yourself short.”

“Just… don’t wanna set myself up for disappointment, alright?”  Dean wiped a hand across his face.

Benny rolled his eyes.  “Okay, brother, but when we see them next week, pay attention.”

“Yeah, right, if we even see them.  I’ll humor you,” Dean replied with an eye roll of his own.


	2. Second Tuesday

The rain came down in sheets the following Tuesday.  Castiel looked out the kitchen window and sighed.  No dress clothes to start the day today.  Elijah was going to insist they wait outside for Dean, Benny and Rufus, and he wouldn’t deny him.  Kids were only little once, and rain wouldn’t hurt him.  Seeing Dean again was an added incentive.

“Daddy!  Can we splash in the puddles?” Elijah asked, tapping his father’s leg. 

“Yes, I think we can do that,” he replied as he tousled his son’s hair.  “Go put on your raincoat and boots.”

Elijah emerged a few minutes later wearing his bright yellow raincoat and a pair of bright yellow rain boots with duck faces on the toes.  Castiel helped him switch the boots to the correct feet, then followed him outside.  The grass couldn’t absorb all the rain, and so the lawn felt more like a Slip and Slide under their feet, small puddles of water formed between lumps of uneven lawn.  This only held Elijah’s interest for a few minutes.  His eyes were focused on the gigantic puddle across the street.  Holding his father’s hand, the little boy ran across the street and jumped gleefully into the puddle, making a large splash.  Castiel joined him, challenging the boy to puddle-stomping contests that he let his son win. 

Elijah didn’t notice the sanitation truck until it was a house away.  As it approached, he jumped excitedly, shaking his father’s arm in the process, and yelled their names. 

“They’re coming, buddy, hang on,” Castiel said to his son as he clutched his hand a little tighter to keep him from running toward them.  He knew Elijah probably wouldn’t run off, but he couldn’t be too careful.  The boy was too excited.  Castiel had to admit he was a little excited, too.  As the truck drew closer, he saw Benny wave.  Benny was on the same side of the street as the puddle they were standing in.  He saw the man drop off the truck and head toward the cans nearby.  Castiel dragged one of the cans through the puddle one-handed and turned the handle toward Benny, since the cans were sitting on the other side of the puddle and Castiel was already soaked anyway.  Dean came around the corner to grab the other one and Castiel willed himself to breathe normally.  Even wearing a billowing clear poncho like they sell at amusement parks when the skies open up, the man was gorgeous.  The man’s smile when he looked toward them was like a break of blue sky in an otherwise gray expanse of cloud cover. 

“Hey Elijah!” he called as he drew closer.  Castiel released Eli’s hand and turned to grab the other trash can so that Dean wouldn’t have to walk through the puddle. 

“Hi Mr. Dean!  Me and Daddy are splashing in this giant lake!” he said with a squeal.

Dean bent down to speak to the boy.  “I see that.  Your daddy isn’t dressed for the rain like you are, though,” he observed, then glanced up at Castiel.  “Hey Cas,” he greeted quickly with a small smile before darting his eyes down toward Elijah.  Cas smiled at the man’s profile as he held the trash can at his hip. 

“Hello Dean,” he answered.  “Shall I give this to Benny or do you want it?”  He jostled the trash can slightly to make sure Dean noticed it. 

Flustered, Dean said, “Oh shit” to Castiel before blushing and turning to Elijah.  “I mean shoot, sorry, you didn’t hear that, little man,” he said to the boy.  He seemed embarrassed.    Elijah didn’t seem to notice the slip. 

“I’ll take that, Cas, thanks,” Benny smiled as he approached Castiel.  Elijah broke free from Dean to help Benny. 

“Um, sorry about that,” he muttered to Castiel, rubbing the back of his neck.

“No harm done, Dean,” Castiel reassured him.  “He’s heard me slip up, too.  He often hopes I do, actually, because it’s our ice cream fund.”  Castiel explained that they had a swear jar and when it had enough money in it, they went out for ice cream to “make Daddy’s words sweeter.”  Dean laughed.

“Kid would be going out for ice cream every day if I lived here,” Dean joked before, wide-eyed, he said, “I mean, not that I’d ever live here, just, you know, I got a bit of a mouth.  Not around kids, usually, I mean, I try to control myself, and I’m pretty good around my nieces.  I’m not a Neanderthal.”  He wiped at the drops of rainwater on his eyelashes. 

 Castiel chuckled.  “I’m not sure the Neanderthals had swear words,” he said.  Dean smiled shyly.

“No, I guess they probably didn’t,” he agreed. 

“I don’t think any less of you,” Castiel continued.  “It took me a long time to learn how to say ‘shoot’ and ‘fudge’ instead of ‘shit’ and ‘fuck,’” he said as he looked toward Elijah, making sure he spoke low enough so his son didn’t hear him and learn words he’d rather not have the youngster repeat.

“Yeah, I bet.  It would be a hard habit to break.  Worth it, though,” Dean replied as he watched Elijah walk across the street with Benny to pick up the refuse at Castiel’s house. 

“Definitely worth it,” Castiel agreed, “but it will probably be undone as soon as he enters school.”

“They say those words in private school?  I’m shocked,” Dean teased.

“I went to private school and believe me, they said those words and worse,” Castiel replied with a wink.  Dean bit his lip and smiled. 

“Time to go,” Benny said as he returned Elijah to Castiel’s side. 

Dean glanced at his watch.  “Oh yeah, we gotta haul ass outta here, we’re running behind,” Dean said to Benny.

“Ice cream jar, Mr. Dean!” Elijah yelled.  Benny gave him a quizzical look.

“Oh shoot,” Dean muttered.  Dean explained the jar to Benny while Castiel explained to Elijah why Dean didn’t have to contribute to their family’s swear jar.  Dean took out a dollar bill from the wallet in his overalls and handed it to Elijah. 

“That’s not necessary, Dean,” Castiel said as he tried to give the money back.

“No, I broke the rules twice, my fault.  I have to be responsible,” he said as he held up his hand.  The bill was already getting soggy.

“Well, whoever contributes to the jar gets to come for ice cream when we go if they want to,” Castiel said with soft eyes and a casual smile.  That wasn’t really the rule, but Dean didn’t know that.  He wasn’t usually this bold, but perhaps the rain or his loneliness or Dean’s shyness influenced his words.  Elijah nodded with unbridled enthusiasm.

Dean glanced quickly at Castiel before saying to Elijah, “Oh yeah?  Well, I do love ice cream.  Keep the money, okay?”  He spared one more glance at Castiel before turning toward the truck, Benny following with a smile on his face.

Despite the rain, Castiel smiled the rest of the day.

***

“He was flirting.”

“He was not.”

“He was asking you on a date.”

“He was not.”

Dean argued after supper that night with his nosy sister-in-law Jess.  He usually saw them at least once a week for supper, alternating between his apartment and the house his brother Sam shared with Jess and their children, Skye and Marianna.  He was starting to regret telling them about Elijah’s father.

“I’m telling you, he was.  You said last week that he was really nice to you, right?  And this week they just happened to be out in the pouring rain?  And he’s inviting you for ice cream?  Come on.”

“Jess, that doesn’t mean anything.  Look, he’s probably just a nice guy who treats people decently and does good things for his kid, like take him out splashing in puddles.  He was just being a good dad.”

“Uh huh.  I’m sure he was, but that doesn’t explain the rest of it.”

“I think you’re wrong here.  He wasn’t flirting.  Besides, it doesn’t matter.”

“What, you’re not attracted to him?”

“What?” 

Jess rolled her eyes.  “Are you attracted to him?”

Dean thought back to when he first met the man, in his slacks and white shirt, and then to today, with his wet hair matted around his face, the soaked t-shirt defining his muscular arms and chest, the running shorts skimming his hips, and the dorky gray water shoes.  He thought about him jumping and stomping through puddles with Elijah, the way he held the boy’s hand, his ridiculous statement about the ice cream making his words sweeter that he just knew Castiel had made up for his son, and his gentle joking with Dean. 

“Oh yeah, you’re attracted,” Jess smiled as she touched his forearm.  Dean realized he hadn’t answered her.  “You’re sitting there thinking about his ass, aren’t you?  I bet he has a nice ass.  Have you noticed?”

“Jess, the kids!” Dean said through clenched teeth with a nod to the girls sitting at the other end of the table, coloring.  They didn’t look up.

“They didn’t hear me.  Although it’s nice to see you’re more conscious about it,” she joked.  “You’ll have to swear around Cas more, though, up your contribution to the jar.  I’m sure you want to go for ice cream, maybe lick his cone as it drips…”

Dean’s face reddened and he faced the wall.  Sam snickered.  “Leave him alone, Jess.  We know he’s not gonna do anything about it, anyway.”  Dean and Jess both frowned, Dean in resignation and Jess in defiance. 

“Yes he is.  You need to take that man up on his offer, Dean.  Ask him out next week.”

“Jess, no.  He’s probably married…”

“Ring?”

“Uh, I didn’t see one…”

“Then no.”

“Not everyone wears a ring.  He’s a doctor.  Maybe he works with his hands too much for a ring to be practical.”

“I know not everyone does, but most do, and he wasn’t at work when you saw him.  And besides, why would he ask you out if he was married?”

“He didn’t ask me out!”

“It doesn’t matter, Jess,” Sam interjected.  “Dean’s not gonna say anything because he doesn’t think he’s good enough.”  Dean rolled his head and rubbed at his hair.  His brother knew him too well.

“If this is about that jerk Cole…”  Cole was an ex who’d always shoved his own career in Dean’s face and made him feel inferior.  He was a touchy subject, particularly to Jess.

“It’s not,” Dean said.  “I already explained this to Benny.  I’m a garbage man.  Seriously, he’s not gonna want to date a garbage man.  What’s he gonna do when his doctor friends ask what I do for a living?”

“You’re not even giving him a chance, Dean,” Jess said quietly.  Dean shrugged. 

“I have an idea,” Sam said, and his wife and brother turned toward him.  “You said he’s only gonna be home for a few Tuesdays, right?  Until the end of August?”  Dean nodded.  “Okay, so see how it goes between you two.  Pay attention to your gaydar.”  Dean rolled his eyes.  “If he still seems interested by the end of August, ask him out.  He’ll either say yes, which would be cool, or he’ll say no, and you won’t see him again because he’ll be back to work.”

Dean thought about it.  “Yeah, I guess,” he grumbled. 

“I wanna see if this guy is as hot as you make him sound,” Jess said as she pulled her tablet off the buffet table in the dining room and pulled up Google Images.  “So he’s a doctor, probably around here.  You don’t know his last name, right?”  Dean shook his head.  “Well, his name’s Castiel, so that’s pretty unique.   How do you spell that?”  Dean shrugged.  She tried a few spellings before she got the right one.  “Holy shit,” she murmured so her children didn’t hear.  “I’d do him.”

“Thanks,” Sam scowled but came behind her to look.  “Wow, Dean, he’s a good-looking guy.  Damn.  Your type, too.  Ooh, you can see his hands in this one,” Sam teased his brother.  One drunken night Dean told Sam about his hand fetish and he’d never let it drop. 

“Shut up, Sam,” he frowned as he scooted his chair to look at the picture.  He blew out a hard breath.

“I’d snatch him up before someone else does, Dean,” Jessica warned. 

“Maybe,” Dean said as he heaved another sigh.


	3. Third Tuesday

Castiel was nervous about the envelopes he held in his hand, but Elijah was buzzing with energy.

“Are they coming yet, Daddy?” he asked for the fourth time as he looked out the window.

“Not yet, Bug.  Come finish your breakfast.”

“But I don’t want to miss them!”

Castiel sighed.  It had been a rough morning.  He had to keep reminding himself that it was just the boy’s excitement, but his hyper behavior was starting to grate on Castiel’s nerves.  Castiel hadn’t been sleeping well.  Tomorrow was the anniversary of his father’s death.  He gathered his patience and said, as brightly as he could muster, “Why don’t we dine al fresco?  That way you can see them but you can still eat your grow-up food.” 

Elijah turned and tilted his head in a confused look.  “What’s al fresso?”

Castiel smiled.  The boy was so inquisitive.  He knew throwing in the unfamiliar term would distract him from his incessant bouncing, at least momentarily.  “Al fresco.  It means outside.  We can eat on the porch or on the grass.”

“Yay!  Al fresso!” the boy cried as he jumped around.  So much for distraction.  Castiel gave him his plate of fruit and cottage cheese and they went outside.  They ignored the chairs on the porch and settled on the stairs, where they would have a better view of the sanitation truck they were expecting. 

Castiel admitted to himself that he was looking forward to seeing Dean again, even if they guy was most likely straight.  He was starting to have his doubts, though.  The man seemed very shy around him, and he’d caught him blushing a couple of times.  Of course, Castiel could be coming on too strong, too, and Dean was just embarrassed. 

The truck came down the street and stopped in front of their home, as was its routine.  Dean and Benny greeted the boy and listened to him talk about the “super- _duper_  awesome” Batman sheets Castiel recently purchased for him. 

“Wow, I wish I had some of those,” Dean said to Elijah.

Castiel decided to test the waters.  “I got them online.  They sell them in all sizes, Dean, though I’m not sure your significant other would go for them,” he joked.  Dean looked up at him with an indecipherable look.

“Uh, heh, um, that wouldn’t be a problem,” Dean stammered. 

Castiel leaned in confidentially.  “Well then, they have lamps and wallpaper too,” he teased.  Dean laughed nervously and chewed his lip, and Castiel watched Dean curiously.  He prayed he hadn’t made the man too uncomfortable.  He probably shouldn’t have said anything.  Castiel fiddled with the envelopes in his hands, gliding one of his palms along the top edges.  Dean watched Castiel’s hands intently.

“Daddy!  My party!” Elijah reminded him. 

“Oh, yes,” he said as he broke away from gazing at Dean’s face.  “Elijah is having a birthday party a week from Saturday, and he’d like to invite you.”  He handed one envelope to Benny and one to Dean, whose fingers brushed his accidentally when he took it.  The warmth and the thrill of it made Castiel’s stomach flip.  It was silly and juvenile, but he couldn’t help it.  He fingered the remaining envelope in his hands to distract him.

“I’m having a garbage truck cake!  Uncle Gabe’s making it!” Elijah said.  “And I’m gonna be this many!” he said as he splayed the fingers and thumb of his right hand in the air.

“That’s awesome, buddy!” Benny enthused. 

Castiel handed the last invitation to his son.  “Eli, do you want to give this to Mr. Rufus?”

“Yeah!” he shouted. 

“Not so loud, please, Bug,” Castiel chided gently.  “Come on, I’ll take you.”

“I don’t mind taking him for you,” Benny said.  Castiel looked at Elijah and he bounced like a pogo stick.  Castiel smiled and thanked Benny.

“You don’t have to feel obligated to come to a five-year-old’s birthday party,” Cas said quietly to Dean after Benny walked toward the truck with Elijah in tow.  “We would love for you and the others to come, but I don’t want you to think you have to.”

Dean tapped the envelope rapidly into his palm.  “Uh, yeah, no, I don’t feel obligated.  It’s cool that he invited us.”

“He’s a sweet boy and he just adores you.  All of you,” he quickly corrected.  “He’ll miss you when he starts Kindergarten in September.”

“Wow, school already, huh?  I remember my brother’s kids starting school.  Of course, it wasn’t that long ago.  Shit, I remember my brother starting school.”  Dean stopped, then said, “Uh oh, more money for the swear jar.”  He smiled shyly and looked at the ground.  Castiel laughed, which made Dean look up at him and laugh, too. 

“We don’t keep tally of swear words between adults.  You can say anything you want to me.”

“Anything, huh?” Dean asked, a smile lingering on his face as he looked directly at Castiel.

Castiel wrapped his arms across his body and nodded.  “Anything at all,” he smiled.

Benny returned and swung Elijah to the ground.  “Daddy!  Mr. Rufus and Mr. Benny are gonna come to my party!” he exclaimed as he jumped in place.  “Are you gonna come, Mr. Dean?” he turned and asked the green-eyed man towering above him.

Castiel didn’t want Dean to be put on the spot.  “Elijah, you have to let him check his schedule…”

“Well, I don’t know,” Dean said in an exaggerated tone, pretending to consider.  He ripped open the envelope.  “Let’s see.  Birthday party for Elijah Novak.  Hey, I know that kid.”  He ruffled the boy’s hair.  “At his house – okay, I know where that is.  Mmm… you did say a garbage truck cake, right?”

“Yeah!” Elijah said brightly as he took Dean’s hand. 

“Well, turns out I’m busy that day…”

Elijah’s face fell and Castiel subtly moved toward him.

“…because I’m going to your party!” he said as threw his arms in the air, taking Elijah’s slender arm with him.

“Yay!” the boy cheered as he jumped around in a circle.  The men laughed at his antics.  Rufus blew the horn, and Benny and Dean waved their goodbyes.  As he mounted the truck, Dean’s eyes moved from Elijah’s face to Castiel’s.  Castiel waved at him, and Dean offered a small wave and smile in return.

***

“I can’t believe I’m going to his house, with all of his friends and family.  What the hell was I thinking?” Dean moaned to Sam and Jess on their back patio that night, beer in hand.  The girls were swinging on their swing set. 

“You wanted to make that little boy happy, and you did,” Jess said as she took a sip of wine. 

“Yeah, but now I’ve gotta meet all of them, and what are they gonna think of me?  Am I just gonna be the sideshow freak that Castiel’s adorable little child is obsessed with?”  Dean wiped the condensation from the beer bottle across his forehead.  “And what if Cas doesn’t want me there?  He said we didn’t have to go.  What if he was just trying to make his kid happy?”

“You’re overthinking it, Dean.  He invited you, you go.  You’ll have Benny and Rufus there to talk to, right?” Sam reminded his brother.

“Yeah, I guess so,” he whined.  “He, uh… never mind,” Dean said, knowing full well that Jess would hone in on it, but it was too late.  He hoped he could resist her wheedling. 

“Dean, you open your mouth and tell us everything,” she said, a subtle threat implied.  He knew he wouldn’t win against the persistent blonde.

Dean sighed, then said, “He asked me if I had a significant other.”

“ _What?_ ” the couple asked.  Dean explained about the Batman sheets and the insinuation that Dean had someone that might object.  He also explained how Cas said he could tell him anything.  He left out the part about watching Castiel’s perfect hands caress the envelopes until his mouth went dry and how his skin looked extra golden in the sun today, making his eyes stand out like the sky against sand dunes.

“He’s totally into you.  Did you ask him about his significant other?” Jess demanded.

“No, uh, it didn’t seem like the time…”

“It was the perfect time!  Right, Sam?”

“Missed your opportunity, dude,” Sam agreed with his wife.

Dean hid his face in his hands. 


	4. Fourth Tuesday

“No!  No no no no NO!”

Castiel wiped his face with his hand and pulled up the waistband of the loose sweatpants he threw on in the night when Elijah had called to him.  Elijah was very agitated this morning.  He’d been running a fever most of the night and had been throwing up for the last couple of hours.  His tiny body had been weak and trembling in Castiel’s arms just moments ago, but hearing he was going to the doctor seemed to put a spark of life back into him.

“Elijah, you’re sick.  The doctor needs to check you to see if we can make you feel better…”

“NO!”

“Yes, Bug…”

“No!”

“Elijah,” Castiel said firmly.  “I know you’re scared, but this is non-negotiable.”  He figured his son probably didn’t know what that meant, but he hoped his tone of voice delivered the message.  He hated having to be so stern with his usually-compliant boy.  The preschooler started to cry and Castiel’s heart sank.  “Come on, baby, do you want Jeffy?”  Jeffy was a bright orange and yellow giraffe he’d had since he was a baby, and it still brought him comfort when he was particularly distraught.  He picked up Elijah and they walked upstairs to his bedroom.  Castiel plucked the giraffe off the driftwood shelf he’d made his son after a weekend trip to the beach.  He cuddled him and hummed a song from one of the boy’s child-friendly CDs as he walked into his bedroom and quietly slipped a pair of black Nike slides onto his feet before padding downstairs.  He caught a glimpse of himself in the hall mirror.  He looked haggard, hair sticking up in all directions and t-shirt loose and frayed at the collar.  He plucked his car keys off the hook on the wall and grabbed his wallet from the table underneath it. 

Realizing what his father was doing, Elijah broke into screaming again.  “No!  I don’t wanna!” he wailed.  He began kicking and pounding his tiny fists into his father’s chest.  Castiel persevered long enough to get through the front door and onto the porch.  He was having difficulty closing the door with a deceptively strong, flailing 4-year-old in his arms.  Castiel tried to switch him to one arm until a well-placed kick from a small but powerful foot connected with his scrotum.

“Shit!  Shoot!” Castiel hissed as he tried to keep ahold of his son while tears pooled in his eyes.  He started to bend on one knee toward the wooden slats of the porch, attempting to stand the boy on his feet in order to still hang onto him while requiring less strength and balance.  Elijah pulled the move Castiel’s sister called “noodle baby,” in which he let his body go so limp that he basically slid through the arms of whoever was holding him, forcing the person to follow him to the floor.  Castiel wasn’t quite ready for it, and when his son shoved Jeffy in his face, he lost his grip on him and Elijah escaped from his arms.  Castiel lunged forward but missed him and scraped his arm against the wood, drawing blood.  He blinked spontaneous tears of pain away and called out, “Elijah James!”

Castiel was at once glad and mortified to hear a deep baritone say, “Hey, what’s going on, buddy?”  He looked up and Dean was squatted down and holding Elijah in his arms. 

“I don’t wanna go, Mr. Dean!” Elijah cried.

“Go where, little guy?” he asked in a sweet, soft tone.

“To the doctor,” Castiel explained as he approached.  He knew he must be a hell of a sight.  Dean, as usual, looked perfect and was now comforting his son better than Castiel had been.  Castiel saw Dean’s eyes quickly scan his appearance before nodding and turning back to Elijah. 

“You sick, buddy?”  The boy whimpered and shook his head.

“He has a fever and has been up vomiting for a while,” Castiel continued.  “His ears seem to be bothering him, so we need to get them checked.”

“Aren’t you a doctor?” Benny asked as he approached and ruffled the boy’s hair.

“Yes, but not that kind.  I want him to see his pediatrician.”

“Makes sense,” Benny agreed.  “Poor little guy.  Must be hurtin’ somethin’ awful.”  Castiel grimaced and nodded.  Sometimes it was hard to remember to have empathy when you were trying to wrangle an octopus.  He inhaled deeply and released it.  He glanced at his son and Dean, who was murmuring something to Elijah.  Whatever it was, Elijah was agreeing, albeit reluctantly.  Dean picked him up and gave him a hug, rubbing his back.  It stirred up warm feelings in Castiel. 

“I told him he had to go to the doctor so that he could be better for his birthday party,” Dean smiled as the young boy leaned into his shoulder.  He looked Castiel up and down again before settling on his eyes.  “Rough night, huh?”

“Very,” Castiel agreed.  Dean smiled in sympathy.  Dean twisted his torso to gently sway the boy back and forth.  Castiel smiled, then noticed Elijah’s telltale face and lunged forward toward him.

“Dean!” he called just as he pulled his son from Dean’s arms.  Castiel had no time to explain before the sick boy vomited all over his father.  Benny’s and Dean’s eyes widened momentarily before they sprang into action.  Benny trotted off quickly while Dean pulled Elijah away from his soaked father, taking a moment to use a piece of Castiel’s clean shirt sleeve to wipe the boy’s mouth.  Benny returned just as Castiel was carefully removing his shirt, pulling it over his head from behind in hopes of avoiding spilling vomit onto himself.  He gave some antibacterial wipes to Dean to clean Elijah and handed the rest to Castiel to clean the spots of vomit that had inevitably landed on him. 

“Want me to grab you a new shirt, brother?” Benny asked Castiel.

“Please, I would appreciate it,” Castiel said.  He gave the man directions to his bedroom, then turned to his son and Dean. 

“I’m sorry about that,” Castiel said sheepishly. 

“Hey, no worries,” Dean said with a small smile.  The boy’s head was leaning heavily on Dean’s shoulder. 

“I think he fell asleep.  He’s so tired,” Castiel whispered.  He laid a hand on Elijah’s back and rubbed it soothingly, feeling the heat through his pajama shirt.  “Since you already have him, do you mind putting him in his car seat?”  He gestured to the SUV in the driveway.  Dean nodded and walked with Castiel to the vehicle.  He gently placed the sleeping boy in the seat and stepped back to allow Castiel to buckle him.

“Here you go, man,” Benny said as he handed Castiel a dark blue shirt he’d gotten at his last half-marathon.  “Locked up your house, too.”  Castiel thanked him and pulled the shirt over his head. 

“You, uh, hang on,” Dean said.  He stepped toward Castiel and pulled something from his hair, wiping it on his overalls.  “Puke,” he explained.  Castiel made a face of disgust.  Benny laughed.

“Come along, you two,” Rufus called from the truck.  Noticing the problem with the child, he’d finished the cul-de-sac on his own and was circling back to pick up his co-workers. 

“Thank you both.  Really,” Castiel said as he set a hand on each of their arms, lingering a hair longer on Dean’s.  He walked backwards toward the front of his vehicle.  “Barring any lingering illness, I’ll see you for his party on Saturday.”  He smiled and raised a hand before turning to round the front of his vehicle and slide into the driver’s seat. 

_Quite the impression you’re making, Cas_ , he thought to himself as he rubbed his tired eyes and started the engine.

***

“You thinkin’ of takin’ up nursing as a career?” Rufus teased Dean as they sat under a tree and ate lunch.  He opened a can of soda and handed it to Dean before picking one up for Benny, then himself. 

Dean took a bite of his ham and cheese sandwich.  “Hey, I felt bad.  Poor kid.  I’ve seen the girls get sick like that and it’s not fun.  Cas looked like he’d been up all night.”

“Cas, huh?  I thought it was Cas-tee-el,” Rufus teased as he elongated the syllables in Castiel’s name. 

Neither of the men missed the blush as Dean said, “He said Cas was fine.”

“Oh, Cas is  _fiiiine_ , don’t you think, Dean?” Benny joked as he and Rufus broke out in peals of laughter. 

Dean blushed harder.  He hated how easily he blushed sometimes.  “Shut up,” he said without heat.  He knew they were just giving him a hard time.  And, of course, they were right.  Despite how exhausted the man looked, Dean had to admit there was something about the ragged, thin t-shirt, the low-slung sweatpants, the stubble on his face, and the messy mop of hair that made Dean’s stomach squirm.  Hell, even after the man had vomit dripping down his chest, he looked good.  He looked even better when he took off the disgusting t-shirt and bared his chest.  Hot damn.  And the guy was so good with his kid.  Every parent had their moments, Dean knew – he’d seen Sam and Jess lose it after a frustrating day, or even his parents when he was being a little shit – but even after Cas had gotten kicked in the nuts, which Dean saw as they were approaching the house, he tried to stay patient.  Even after getting some toy shoved in his face and scraping his arms against the porch floor, he was trying to take care of his son.  He smiled at the memory of Cas trying to keep it together when he probably wanted to fill that swear jar to bursting.

“Seems like a good guy,” Rufus said.  “He available?”

“Why, you interested, Rufus?” Dean smirked.

“Not askin’ for  _me_ , Winchester.”  Dean dropped his smirk.

“I didn’t see any photos of a wife, and there were no women’s clothes in his closet,” Benny pointed out.  “Only one toothbrush in the bathroom, too.”

“Doesn’t mean he’s into dick.  He could be divorced.  Wait, you nosed around in his house?” Dean asked, feeling a little protective of the guy he barely knew.

“Nah, I went into his dresser for the shirt and both the closet and bathroom doors were open.  I’m just an observant guy.  Especially when I’m tryna help a brother out,” he said as he wiggled his eyebrows.  Dean rolled his eyes.  “Just sayin’, you guys looked awfully cute talkin’ while you were holding that little guy.  Like a little family.”

“Yeah, well, I was just helping Cas out.  Eli fell asleep on me.”

“Mmm, yeah, seems to like you.  That’s often the hardest part about dating someone with a kid,” Rufus chimed with a raised eyebrow. 

“You guys are killing me, you know that?” Dean said as he picked up his trash from lunch and walked away.  He needed a minute to himself.  They’d hit on a sensitive topic. 

Dean wanted a family badly.  Family had always been important to him, even more so after the death of his father when he was 18.  He realized that life was short.  Dean loved being an uncle to his adorable nieces, but he’d always wanted kids of his own.  As a gay man, he knew he wasn’t ever going to have a pregnant partner, but he figured eventually he’d meet someone who wanted kids and they could adopt or use a surrogate or something.  He never did.  Now, at 34, he felt his chances getting slimmer and slimmer. 

He didn’t want to hold out any hope for Cas, but honestly Cas was everything he was looking for, at least as much as he knew about him.  He loved kids, obviously.  He was nice and sincere and had a gentle sense of humor that Dean bet would be a little wicked if he got to know him.  He was successful at his work, Dean assumed, but also not obsessed with it if he was willing to rearrange his schedule to take care of his son while his sister took a class.  That was another thing.  Family seemed important to him, too – not just his son, but his sister.  He clearly cared for them both.  The man was handsome, too, of course, but Dean found himself wanting to get ice cream with him and drink coffee in those disposable cups with him and wave goodbye to their kids as they boarded the bus for their first day of school and shit, Dean was getting carried away about a guy who may not even want to get to know him like that.  His interest in Dean may start and stop with his kid’s interest.  Heaving a sigh, Dean pushed himself off the tree he’d found himself leaning against and slowly walked back toward the truck.  His lunch break was over.  Time to pick up more trash.  He shoved the fantasy out of his mind.

At the end of the day, the fantasy came roaring back.  He tried to convince himself he was just worried about Elijah.  He really hoped the boy was okay.  Driving home, he found himself turning onto Cas’ street.  He drove past the familiar houses and pulled up to the curb.  What did he think he was going to do, now that he was here?  Just knock on the door?  He shook his head at himself and stared straight ahead.  The mail carrier was coming down the street.  Dean got an idea.  He scribbled a note and left it in the mailbox.  He didn’t have the guts to knock on the door, but at least they’d know he’d been thinking of them.  Well, of Elijah, of course.


	5. First Saturday

“You’re making me nervous.  Stop pacing,” Castiel’s brother Gabriel said as he put the finishing touches on Elijah’s cake.  It was a large sheet cake made to look like a street.  Little garbage cans were perched on both sides.  A prominent truck sat on the street. 

“I’m not nervous.  I just want everyone to have fun.”  Castiel wrung his hands together.

“They’ll have fun, don’t worry about it.  Besides, don’t bullshit a bullshitter, Cas.  You’re nervous about Dean.”  The shorter, lighter-haired man tested a switch that made a tiny motor turn some sort of paddle that Castiel assumed compressed and pushed the refuse through the truck.  He knew little about those types of mechanics.

“I just don’t want him to be uncomfortable.  People will be curious about him.  I just get the feeling that he’s a little shy.”

“Eh, we’ll put him at ease.”  He looked up at the front door.  “People are arriving.”

Castiel greeted his guests and helped everyone mingle.  Most of them knew each other.  The few that didn’t seemed to settle in quickly; they were the parents of the children with whom Elijah went to swim lessons and karate.   As he was about to leave the kitchen to bring more drinks outside, he heard a knock at the door.  He opened it to find Dean standing there, looking handsome in a gray t-shirt, navy blue shorts and sunglasses.  Rufus stood directly behind him, and Benny and a woman he’d never met were on Rufus’ left.

“Hello, welcome,” Castiel smiled as he ushered them in.  “Thank you for coming.  It means the world to Eli.”

“Thanks for inviting us,” Dean answered with a soft, nervous smile. 

“Of course,” Cas said.  He leaned toward Dean and murmured, for his ears only, “Thank you for the note in our mailbox wishing Eli well.  He was thrilled you were thinking about him and he enjoyed the little Batman drawing you sketched.” 

“No problem,” Dean rasped as he looked away shyly. 

Benny introduced him to his lovely wife, Andrea, then Castiel led them to the backyard.  They were quickly spied by Elijah, who scurried toward them, a line of children in his wake.

“Mr. Dean!  Mr. Benny!  Mr. Rufus!” the birthday boy shouted.  “You came!”  He threw himself into Dean’s legs, embracing him with sunscreen-covered arms.  “Hey, these are the trash guys!” he said to his friends.  Some of the children stared, but most jumped excitedly and asked questions all at once. 

Castiel smiled at their enthusiasm but worried for his guests.  “Wait, guys, let’s not all talk at once, okay?”  He turned to the trio of men.  “Do you mind if they ask you questions?  They are very curious.”  The men nodded their assent.  Castiel invited Andrea to meet his sister and they walked away for a while. 

When the young crowd dissipated, Castiel returned to Dean’s side.  He introduced the three to his brothers Gabriel and Michael and their wives and children, who were a bit older than Elijah, to his lovable but cantankerous Uncle Frank, and to his friends Meg and Balthazar.  Most of his family and friends had wicked senses of humor, and soon they’d put the men at ease.  Although Castiel loathed leaving Dean’s side, he had host duties and he knew he’d be okay now that he was in their hands. 

A while later, just before announcing presents and cake, Castiel ducked inside to retrieve the cake from the kitchen and found Dean standing alone just inside the French doors leading to the backyard.  He approached him, making just enough noise so he wouldn’t startle him.

“Everything okay, Dean?” Castiel asked gently.  He tilted his head forward, like he often did with his patients, to show that he was listening and interested.  Dean smiled and nodded. 

“Yeah, just taking a minute.  Your family and friends are really nice.”

“Thank you.  I like them.  Well, most of them.  I didn’t invite the ones I hate.”  That punched a startled laugh out of Dean. 

“I was nervous about coming today,” Dean admitted.  Castiel frowned and briefly placed a gentle hand at his elbow. 

“Why is that?” 

He stared at his feet as he spoke.  “Just didn’t wanna be judged, you know?  You’re a doctor and you have this nice house and friends and family who are professionals.  I’m a trash collector.  It’s embarrassing.” 

Castiel furrowed his brows in confusion.  “Please don’t belittle yourself or the importance of your work.  Every job is important, Dean.  I’ve traveled to places where sanitation resources are not as available as they are here.  It’s very different.  I feel fortunate that we live in a place where proper sanitation is available for my son and all citizens.”

Dean shrugged.  “Yeah, but…”

“But nothing, Dean.  Significant infections have been eliminated or controlled because of proper sanitation efforts.”

Dean gave a sad smile as he continued contemplating his shoelaces.  “Not everyone is as understanding as you and your friends, Cas.”

“Well, then not everyone understands the larger picture, and not everyone understands that there are people of worth behind all of the things that make their lives comfortable or easier.  Someone cleans public bathrooms.  Someone fixes air conditioning units.  Someone makes the roads smoother.  Someone cares for the dead.  No one is better than anyone else.  We all contribute.  Except, of course, for those who bitch about others and do little to nothing at all to make any positive contribution.”  He smiled at Dean, who lifted his head and quirked an eyebrow at “bitch” and smiled back.

“Do you know what kind of doctor I am, Dean?” Cas asked.

Dean looked at him in confusion.  “Uh, no.”

He leaned closer, as if to impart important information.  “I’m a surgeon.  A colon and rectal surgeon.  Formerly and more commonly known as a proctologist.”

Dean’s eyes widened subtly. 

Deadpan, Castiel continued, “I’m a gay proctologist, Dean.” 

Dean smiled tight-lipped at Castiel.  He tried to hide his smile behind his hand.   

Castiel was amused at Dean’s attempts not to laugh.  He knew all the jokes, and even told quite a few of them in his little circle.  He wanted Dean to relax, to not feel like he had to be so uptight around him.  He knew he had a fantastic poker face, so he continued in the same deadpan monotone, with a squint, “I stick my finger in assholes for a living.”  That wasn’t all he did in his work, not even close, but he felt like he needed some vivid imagery to punch Dean’s brain into overdrive.  Castiel watched carefully as Dean’s body shook and his eyes started to water with restrained mirth.

Castiel shrugged.  “Of course, they’re not all assholes.  Some of my patients are nice.”  Castiel smiled widely, his eyes sparkling with teasing good humor.  Dean, finally catching on to the joke, started laughing uproariously, scrunching his nose.  Castiel laughed heartily along with him.

When they had wiped their eyes and their breathing evened, Castiel said, “Embarrassing, right?”  Dean shook his head, probably trying not to insult Castiel, so Castiel pushed on and said, “If they ask about my sexual orientation, I just tell them it gives me additional credentials,” which sent them into another round of laughter. 

“You must be good at your work,” Dean said through giggles.

“You could say I have a vested interest in being the best I can be,” Cas joked, to more breathless cackling.  Making Dean laugh this way, Cas felt victorious and giddy.

When their laughter finally faded, Dean said, “Thanks.  I, uh, I needed that.”  He was looking Castiel in the eyes now, which made Castiel feel much better.  They held their gaze for a few moments, briefly forgetting about the party, until they heard someone enter from the kitchen, probably to look for Castiel, who’d come in for the cake.  Dean clapped him on the shoulder and Castiel led the way into the kitchen, letting Dean help him carry the cake out to the backyard.    

Elijah was polite and enthusiastic about every gift he received, even the socks (although they had Batman on them, which helped ease the sting of receiving socks).  He and the other children were wide-eyed about the cake.  They were amazed at the way the truck moved and churned bits of cake inside it. 

Castiel turned a worried eye toward Dean every so often, just to make sure the man was comfortable.  Each time he saw him, he seemed more at ease, even laughing heartily a few times.  He knew the family and friends gathered here wouldn’t treat him poorly because of his job, and he hoped that Dean knew that now, too.  Castiel worried a bit when Elijah pulled him and the other two men toward the front when his cake came out and excitedly pointed out their profession to everyone, but Dean seemed okay.  He even pretended to empty some of the garbage cans into the truck, which Castiel thought was so adorable he snapped a picture.  When Dean looked up and caught Cas’ eyes across the table, a smile in his eyes, he knew he wanted to know much more about the beautiful green-eyed man.

***

Dean tapped his fingers on his leg nervously while he waited for Benny and Rufus to show up at Castiel’s house.  Dean wished they’d driven together.  Maybe then he’d have an excuse to bail if everything went south.  Of course, then Benny and Rufus would have to leave too.  If things went bad, Dean would have to figure it out on his own.  When they arrived, he greeted Andrea, who he hadn’t seen in a while.  She traveled regularly for her work as a pharmaceutical sales representative.

“Are you nervous, darling?” she asked Dean. 

“Nah,” he said, but knew he wasn’t convincing.

“You have nothing to worry about.  If this man is as nice as Benny says, I’m sure it will be fine.”

Castiel greeted them like he was glad to see them, which was good.  He looked much better than he had on Tuesday – he looked like he’d had some sleep and he wasn’t covered in vomit.  Not that that had mattered to Dean.  He appreciated the note Dean left, which was a relief.

Elijah was his usual enthusiastic self – clearly the meds had worked – and Dean found his legs quickly enveloped in a hug.  He winced a little when Eli loudly announced them as the “trash guys” to his friends, although it didn’t seem to bother his co-workers.  They seemed amused.  A quick glance at the adults within earshot showed that no one really seemed to notice.  Cas got the kids calmed down a bit before he left with Andrea, and Dean soon relaxed and answered the kids’ questions.  He loved kids.  He’d always imagined that someday he’d be the one having a birthday party for his kid in his backyard.  So far, that looked like a faraway dream. 

After talking with the kids for a while, Dean looked up to see Cas approaching.  In pink and green madras shorts and an open, white button-down short-sleeved linen shirt with a moss green shirt underneath, Cas looked like a model out of a J. Crew catalogue.  Dean licked his lips in nervous arousal.  He sidled up to Dean and invited them to meet some of his family and friends.  Dean tried not to let his anxiety show, choosing instead to play word-association games in his mind as he tried to remember their names:  his brother Gabriel and his wife Kali, his brother Michael and his wife Christine, their kids whose names he’d already forgotten because they disappeared as quickly as they’d arrived, Frank, Meg, and Balthazar.  Anna and Andrea were standing a few feet away, chatting like old friends.  The group was friendly and seemed to know who Dean, Benny, and Rufus were, but didn’t make a big deal out of it.  Michael started the conversation by asking which of them owned the classic muscle car parked on the street, and soon Dean was absorbed in conversation about his beloved vehicle.  Talk eventually turned to other topics, and Dean found himself enjoying their company.  He didn’t even notice until much later that Castiel had wandered off.

Looking at the time, he figured that soon it would be time for cake, which set off jackhammers in his gut.  He didn’t want the attention he’d surely get when the garbage truck cake came out.  Dean thought that maybe he could find a place to squirrel himself away.  He excused himself and found the bathroom, then stood just inside the French doors in the living room that led to the backyard.  Staring out at the party, he let his mind wander again to his desire for family.  These people were so friendly and accepting.  He wondered if he would ever find someone as great as Cas and his family.  People like this didn’t come by all that often.  He wondered where Elijah’s mother was, if she visited, if Castiel still had feelings for her.  He tried not to grow jealous.  He tried not to resent that his job often kept him from dating because people were disgusted by it. 

Castiel found him by the doors.  The handsome father checked up on him to see if he was okay, and didn’t that just make him even better?  Dean sighed internally.  Surely someone was going to pick this guy up.  He didn’t understand why he wasn’t with anyone already.  Castiel made a joke about not inviting people he hated and Dean laughed.  Maybe not all of his family was so accepting and perfect.  That just made Cas all the more appealing, damn it.  He knew how to keep negative people out and draw positive people in.  And damn his openness and his smile and that look like he really cared about what Dean was saying, because it made Dean stumble over his thoughts and admit to his nervousness.  And damn his beautiful hand that touched Dean much too briefly, damn those fingers for making Dean dream about more and damn that touch for making him talk about all of his insecurities and for making him sound so pathetic next to Cas.  And damn him, damn Castiel’s beautiful soul for his kindness and his sincerity, because it made Dean believe he maybe had a chance.  He wanted to believe he had a chance. 

When Castiel told Dean he was a gay proctologist, Dean’s childish mind couldn’t help it.  He rapidly pictured a rectal exam, then thought of all of the jokes related to gay men and rectal exams he’d ever heard.  He tried to hide his smirk behind his hand.  Other people had laughed at his job before and he knew it didn’t feel good and it wasn’t polite.  Still, the jokes kept popping into his head, as did his own experiences as a gay man and even a fantasy or two about doctors, and it got more difficult to keep himself under control.  Castiel’s use of vulgar language was both amusing and a turn-on, and when he made the joke about his patients, Dean realized Castiel was baiting him to laugh and Dean lost it.  He laughed like he hadn’t laughed in a long time.  All the crap he’d ever taken about his job and about being gay dissolved in the presence and shared laughter of another who’d been there and found the humor in it all, who rose above it.  He knew what Cas was doing, trying to make him feel better about his job, and it was helping.  Cas made another joke and they lost it again.  Dean, feeling more at ease with the gorgeous, unattainable man, made a joke of his own, which Cas answered with another that finally convinced Dean that yes, he could talk about this crap with someone else and it could be absurdly funny and okay.  It didn’t have to be serious all the time.  There was a time when Dean didn’t care what other people thought about him.  Maybe it was time to get back to that.  Or, maybe it was time to care only about what the people who mattered thought about him.  People like his brother and Jess, like his mom, like Benny.  Maybe people like Cas.

After their conversation, Dean felt lighter and at ease.  He was able to take his thoughts about whether others were judging him and put them aside in favor of chasing Eli around, in favor of laughing loudly at Gabriel’s stories about his customers, in favor of watching Castiel when the dark-haired man wasn’t looking.  Even when Eli pulled him and Rufus and Benny forward when he blew out his candles, Dean felt oddly secure in himself.  It was a new and welcome feeling.  He even jokingly took a couple of the little trash cans off the cake and pretended to empty it into the truck, which delighted the little boy who then had to try it for himself, as did the other children.  A flash caught Dean’s attention.  Looking up, he caught Cas’ eyes peeking out above a professional-style camera.  He felt just brave enough to maintain eye contact and smile shyly at him.  He could tell by the crinkled eyes that Cas was smiling back.

Eating chocolate cake and French vanilla ice cream, Dean found himself once again in the circle of Cas’ closest friends and family (although Cas was nowhere to be seen).  Anna was talking about the class she was taking, which seemed pretty interesting.  Dean said goodbye to Rufus and Frank when they sat themselves up stiffly with groans and said they were getting too old for kids’ parties and were heading home, but didn’t notice how the backyard gradually emptied until it was just their little circle, nor did he notice Elijah and his cousins head into the house.  Christine excused herself for a minute.  When she returned, she was wearing a conspiratorial smile.  Meg noticed and looked up. 

“Afterparty?” she asked with raised eyebrows and hopeful eyes.

“Afterparty,” she nodded slowly and smiled.  A collective whoop went up in the gathering.  Dean, Benny, and Andrea shot each other questioning looks. 

Michael pointed at Benny.  “Help me with drinks?” he asked. 

“Sure, brother,” he agreed as he followed Michael. 

“Come on, Andrea, you can help me cut up the fruit for the drinks and make sure the guys don’t screw them up,” Anna smiled as she held out her hand.  Andrea laughed and took it and they scampered toward the kitchen.

Dean started to feel out of his element again.  He was alone with Gabe, Kali, Meg, Christine, and Balthazar. 

“Um, so what are you guys doing now?” Dean asked.

“The afterparty, my friend,” Meg smirked.  “It’s the party after the kids’ party.  A Novak tradition of sorts.”

“It’s when we send the kids in to rot their minds with TV and video games so we can enjoy adult beverages and some friggin’ peace and quiet,” Christine explained.  Dean chuckled.  Michael’s wife seemed like his polar opposite, but from watching them earlier he clearly adored her.

“So cynical, Christine,” Balthazar tutted.

“You try raising preteens, Balth.  It is not for the weak.” 

“Every time we have a party for one of the kids,” Gabriel explained further, “we schedule it so that the rest of the guests leave by 4:00, and then we hang out, pull out the grown-up drinkies, and have a barbeque or dinner or whatever.”

“We kick everyone out except for the people we actually want around,” Christine drawled.

“Chris, I swear, you’re worse than me sometimes,” Meg teased.

“I don’t see how that’s possible,” she smiled.  Meg shoved her playfully.

Dean looked across the lawn toward the deck, where Michael and Benny were indeed setting up a bar and Andrea and Anna were bringing out fresh fruit to them.  He became very self-conscious now.  He was intruding.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know.  I’ll, uh, just find Cas and say goodbye.”  Dean started to stand, but choruses of “no” and “stay” and Meg’s “Sit your ass down, Winchester” stopped him.  He stayed hovered just above his chair.

“He doesn’t want you to go, you idiot,” Meg said with warmth.  “If he did, you’d be gone.”

“I, uh, I don’t wanna intrude…”

“You’re not, for crying out loud,” Balthazar said.  He pressed his hand onto Dean’s shoulder and sat him down.  “In case you hadn’t noticed, he likes you.”

Dean’s body warmed at the thought, but he was still uncertain.  “You guys are his friends and family.  We haven’t known each other that long…”

“Well, let’s just see what he says, hmm?  Ooh, he has  _the book_ ,” Meg smirked.  Castiel was coming their way, a black leather-bound book in one hand and a pen in the other.  Dean didn’t understand the significance of the book, but the others seemed to.

“All clear?” Christine asked her brother-in-law.

“Yes,” he smiled.

“You didn’t… miss anybody?” Meg asked with mock innocence.

Castiel looked around the yard.  “No…” he said with a hint of doubt.

“Just checking,” she said as she smiled sweetly at him. 

Castiel gave her a puzzled glance.  “Okaaaay,” he said slowly.  “Anyway, steaks cooked as usual for all of you?”  He moved his index finger in an arc as he pointed from Gabriel on one side to Balthazar on the other.  Dean was on the end, on Balthazar’s left.  The others nodded.

“Dean?”  Hearing his name startled him.  He was trying to figure out a graceful way of leaving without looking like a complete idiot who assumed he had the right to be there.  They had to be wrong about Castiel wanting him here, at this “afterparty” with his closest friends and family.  “How do you like your steak cooked?”

Dean stared at him a beat longer than it should’ve taken to answer the simple question.  “Uh…”

Castiel looked worried now.  A tiny furrow formed between his brows and his blue eyes widened as he seemed to realize something.  “I’m sorry, do you not like steak?  I can thaw some chicken, or I have veggie burgers if you don’t like meat.”

“No, uh, I like meat!” Dean stammered.  He felt his face flush and he slapped himself mentally.  “I mean, steak’s great, Cas.  Medium.”

Cas smiled gently at him, wide eyes now smaller and sparkling in the late afternoon sun.  “Medium.  Thank you, Dean.”  He wrote something in his book and turned toward the house.

“Hey!” Meg called after him, forcing him to turn back around.  “Bloody, this time!  Like seriously, a minute per side, Cas!  I want that sucker so rare I can have a conversation with it!”  Cas rolled his eyes at her.  “Want Dean to help you?  Your grilling sucks.”  She turned to Dean.  “It’s his one flaw.”

“Huh.  And here I thought he didn’t have any,” Dean said and smiled quickly.  He hadn’t meant to say that out loud, and he hoped desperately that it sounded like joking.  The others smiled.

“Thank you, Dean, but I’m afraid I have many flaws that those around you can tell you all about,” Cas said humbly.  “And it’s a new grill, Meg,” he continued patiently.

“Yeah, what was your excuse last year?”

“That it was an old grill.  It didn’t regulate temperature well.  Hence the new grill.”

“Yeah, I don’t trust you.  Take Dean with you just in case.”

“I don’t mind if you want a hand, Cas,” Dean said hurriedly as he stood.  The chance to be with Castiel one-on-one was too tempting.  Castiel agreed, and they stepped away from the group. 

Castiel and Dean brought a platter of seasoned steaks and hamburger patties for the kids out to the grill.  Anna brought them each a beer as they chatted and waited for the grill to heat.  They drank them down slowly, enjoying the fizz and the coolness on the hot August day.  When the grill was ready, Dean turned to Cas.

“So a trick you can use to know if they’re ready is the hand test.  Give me your hand.”  Castiel offered Dean one of his smooth, tanned, perfectly manicured hands.  He didn’t actually have to hold Cas’ hand to demonstrate.  He’d just wanted to know what his hand felt like, and it was glorious.  He was going to have a hard time letting go.  “So pretend this fleshy part of your thumb here is the meat.  If you touch your index finger and your thumb together, then press that fleshy part, that’s rare.”  He moved Cas’ fingers to show him, making sure to touch his hands as much as possible without making the guy think he had some sort of hand fetish, which he kind of did but Cas didn’t need to know that.  “And this is medium rare, and medium, and well,” Dean explained as he moved each finger in turn.  Castiel paid careful attention, gazing at Dean intensely when he explained and dutifully following his instructions.  Dean held his hand gently in his palm as he did so.

“Does he give a good hand job, Cas?” Balthazar smirked as he poked his head between the two.  Dean rapidly released Cas’ hand.  Castiel’s hand hovered briefly in the air, the message not yet reaching his brain that his hand had been freed.  He looked mortified.

Before Cas had a chance to respond verbally, Dean retorted, “Better than you, from the rumors I hear.”  In the couple of seconds it took for him to process his pride at his artful comeback and then his horror at insulting a friend of the hot guy he had a crush on, Dean turned to Cas and watched his jaw drop in surprise.  Much to Dean’s relief, Castiel’s jaw-drop quickly turned to an impressed laugh as he raised his hand for a high-five.

Balthazar clutched his chest dramatically.  “I’m wounded,” he said.  “That was a good one.  You should keep him around, Cas.”

“I should,” he agreed.  Dean knew he had a huge grin on his face, and he didn’t care.


	6. Fifth Tuesday

“Do we have enough yet, Daddy?” Elijah asked as they finished counting the money.  The swear jar sat empty on the other side of the table.

“I think we do,” Castiel confirmed for his son. 

“Yay!” he yelled as he pumped his fists into the air.  “I’m gonna get a super- _duper_  big ice cream, Daddy!  With sprinkles!”

“You are?  That’ll be fun,” Castiel replied as he ruffled the boy’s hair.  “Should we wait outside for Mr. Dean and Mr. Benny and Mr. Rufus?”

“Yeah!  Don’t forget to ask Mr. Dean, Daddy!”

Castiel nodded at his son, but inside his head he was groaning.  He was hoping Eli had forgotten that.  He did want to ask Dean, desperately, but he didn’t want to disappoint Eli if the man said no. 

Waiting outside for the familiar sound of the sanitation truck, Castiel thought back to just a few days ago.  The party for Eli had easily been Castiel’s favorite birthday party of his by far.  It was exciting watching Eli get older and really enjoy himself with his friends and the adults who loved him, but if he was honest with himself, it was also because Dean was there.  Shy, handsome Dean, who looked and smelled and sounded and felt so good and who probably tasted so good too… Castiel shook himself out of those thoughts.  He really needed to control himself, or his pants were going to get uncomfortable and seeing Dean could get embarrassing.  He didn’t care to explain to Dean or to his son why he was trying to hide the lower half of his body.  Oh, they did have fun, though, at the party and the afterparty.  They laughed and teased and held hands – okay, Dean was showing him how to test for doneness of meat, but still – and the conversations were smooth and easy once they sat down to eat.  Dean fit in so well with his friends and family.  He hoped maybe someday he might like to fit into Castiel’s life on a regular basis, for more than just events for his kid.

The truck stopped at the house and Elijah greeted them enthusiastically, as usual.  He could tell just by Dean’s baffled expression and Benny’s amused one that Elijah was telling them he had a “secret.”  Ice cream wasn’t a secret.  He had just explained to Eli that Daddy had to ask and the adults had to talk about it. 

“Okay, Daddy, ask him!” the dark-haired boy pleaded.  Castiel rolled up his shirtsleeves, feeling the need to channel his nervous energy.

“C’mon, Squirt, let’s go see Mr. Rufus!” Benny said as he removed his glove and took Eli’s hand.  Dean and Cas watched them skip away for a moment before turning back toward each other.

“So, the swear jar has enough money for ice cream,” Castiel said.

“Does it now?” Dean asked with a teasing lilt.  “Been naughty, Cas?”

Not nearly as naughty as I’d like, he thought to himself, then said, “I dropped a hammer on my bare foot on Sunday.  That topped it off.”

Dean grimaced.  “Sounds painful,” he sympathized.

“I didn’t realize he’d come running when he heard the sound.  I think I paid seven dollars to that jar,” Cas joked, and Dean laughed with an easy camaraderie.  “Anyway, since you contributed, I wanted to invite you to come with us on Saturday if you’re not busy.”

“Yeah, I’d love to,” Dean said without hesitation, and Cas felt his heart soar before he had to remind himself that this was not a date.  They agreed on a time and place to meet just as Benny and Eli returned.  Eli looked at Dean with hopeful eyes.

“I hear we’re going for ice cream on Saturday,” he said to the boy with excitement.

“Yeah!  I’m gonna get a big one!”

“You are?” Dean asked.  “Well, I’m gonna get a  _bigger_  one!” he exclaimed as he lifted the boy into the air.

“Bigger than Daddy’s?” Eli asked with huge doe eyes.

“I don’t know.  How big is Daddy’s cone gonna be?” he asked.  Cas watched his face blush inexplicably, then noticed he seemed to be watching Dean a bit too much.

“Oh, my cone is going to be about this big,” he said, placing a hand under his son’s feet and another on top of his head.  Dean smiled and handed him over to his father.

“Nuh uh,” Eli giggled.

“Yeah, know why?  ‘Cause it’s you!” he shouted as he tickled and pretended to gobble Eli, planting playful kisses on his face.  He swung him around in a circle, then blew raspberries on his neck.  The boy laughed hysterically.  Castiel snuggled the boy to him, thinking of how much he loved hearing his delighted voice. 

“Be good for your dad and I’ll see you Saturday, okay?” Dean said as he tousled the boy’s hair.  When Castiel looked up, Dean wore a fond, melancholy expression.  He glanced at Castiel, and the light in Dean’s eyes made Castiel’s palms sweat.  “Bye, Cas,” he said, holding his gaze for a moment.

“See you soon, Dean,” he answered, holding his son closer and resisting the urge to reach out and touch the handsome face staring back at him.

***

Elijah’s party was all Dean could think about for the last few days.  That kid was awesome.  His dad was awesome, too.  At the afterparty, they’d gotten to know each other a little better (although they hadn’t really been alone again like they had been in the living room joking about gay proctologists, a fact Dean bemoaned).  Dean told the group about his family – mom, Sam, Jess, his nieces, and his adopted aunt and uncle – and he heard some stories about Cas from his childhood.  Brothers could be the worst about that sort of thing.  Cas seemed flustered and embarrassed, which was completely endearing (as if the man needed anything else to endear him to Dean).  He hoped things wouldn’t be awkward today.  What if Cas was just being cordial and polite?  No, he couldn’t have been.  He really needed to get away from his negative thinking sometimes.

Approaching his favorite house, he saw the familiar dark mop of hair bouncing up and down and smiled without thinking.  He hopped down from the truck, Benny following just behind him.  Eli ran up to them and said, “I got a secret, Mr. Dean.”

“You do?” Dean asked.  “Do I get to know your secret?”

“Yeah, but Daddy has to tell you.  But I hope you say yes,” he said with bright, hopeful eyes.  He was a little confused about the proclamation, but couldn’t help but be drawn in to the boy’s excitement.  In his peripheral vision, Dean spotted Cas approaching, looking handsome in a pair of tan khakis and a white button-down dress shirt, top two buttons undone. 

“Okay, Daddy, ask him!” the dark-haired boy pleaded to his father.  Dean watched as Castiel rolled up his shirtsleeves, his fingers dancing over the cuffs.  He swallowed hard as Cas’ fingers skimmed his toned forearms.  Benny said something to Elijah and took him away, probably to see Rufus.  Dean wasn’t really concentrating on that.  Cas had something to ask him.

“So, the swear jar has enough money for ice cream,” Castiel said.  Dean watched him shift from one foot to the other.  It was subtle.  Was he nervous?  Dean didn’t see why he would be, but he tried to ease his nerves with some humor.  He teased the man about being naughty and once again smacked himself mentally for it.  Of all the things he could’ve said.  He felt even worse when Cas said he’d dropped a hammer on his foot.  Ouch.  He felt like an idiot for teasing the guy.  But then Cas made a joke about it, so he relaxed a bit.  When Cas invited him to join them for ice cream, he didn’t hesitate to say yes.  He was thrilled that the man had been sincere in his conversation a while back about inviting him when the jar was full.  He relished the chance to spend more time with them.

Dean was genuinely excited when Eli returned and he said, “I hear we’re going for ice cream on Saturday!”

Eli was thrilled to hear it, thankfully.  Actually, Dean hadn’t doubted Eli’s eagerness.  It had been Cas’ eagerness that he questioned.  The handsome doctor seemed pretty happy about it, though.  He was smiling at Dean and his son.  It filled Dean with a happy warmth, and as they talked about ice cream sizes he pulled Eli into his arms, throwing him once into the air before resting him in the crook of his arm. 

And then, of course, he had to say the most inappropriate, ridiculous thing he could.  Why did he ask how big Cas’ cone was going to be?  He supposed in the context of the conversation it really wasn’t inappropriate at all, but he swore sometimes he was still a 12-year-old boy giggling at any words that hinted at sex.  Between that and Jess’ comment a few weeks ago about licking Cas’ cone, he wanted to sink into the ground.  He felt himself blush, and he swore he could hear Benny chuckle behind him.  Castiel didn’t seem to notice, though.  He went right into kidding around with his son.  Dean was glad that Cas was either too mature or too oblivious to understand or comment on the innuendo.

Dean forgot about his embarrassment as he watched Castiel play with his son.  His affection for the boy was obvious and sent a pang of longing shivering through Dean’s heart.  They were so wonderful together, a little family.  God, he wanted that.  He fantasized about being part of it, about swooping in to join his partner in making their child laugh that infectious laugh, about starting to race their child into the house, about his partner pulling him back so their child could win, about Cas kissing him in “consolation” and Eli yelling “Eww!” like children often did when their parents kissed. 

He wasn’t sure when his thoughts turned from an abstract partner and child to Cas and Eli, but he needed to stop this train.  They weren’t his.  “Be good for your dad and I’ll see you Saturday, okay?” he told Eli, trying to keep the sadness from his voice.  Even if they weren’t his, he was going to enjoy their company.  He said goodbye to Cas, then turned and hopped back onto the truck before his eyes started to water.

“You okay, brother?” Benny asked when they were several houses away.

Dean nodded, but he was quiet the rest of his shift.


	7. Second Saturday

“You are putting a lot of thought into what to wear to get ice cream,” Meg observed with humor.

“No, I’m not,” Castiel frowned as he perused the contents of his closet for the fourth time.  “What will be the least obvious if I spill ice cream?”

“You mean what’ll be the least obvious if Eli smears ice cream all over you?” Meg smirked.  “Tough call.”

“Mmm.  He likes the rainbow sprinkles.  Maybe this?”  Castiel pulled out a t-shirt he’d worn for The Color Run.

“I hope you’re joking,” Meg said with a pointed look of disapproval. 

“Of course,” he scoffed.  “How about this?”  He held up a maroon polo.

“Not tight enough.  This one,” she said, pulling out a sapphire blue polo shirt she’d purchased for him for a doomed date she’d set him up for with a guy she’d met in the cafeteria at the hospital.  The guy was one in a long list of doomed dates or dates that never were.

“I don’t know,” he said as he pulled his black workout tank off so he could shrug the polo on.

“Wait!  Stop!  That’s perfect,” she declared.

“I don’t have the shirt on yet, Meg.”

She wiggled her eyebrows.  “Exactly.  He’ll love it.  And hey, easy to wash.”

He rolled his eyes.  “Meg, honestly… we’ll be with Eli, I have no idea if Dean is interested, and we’ll be in public.  You seem to think it’s a date, but it isn’t.”  He pulled the polo over his head and studied himself in the mirror.

“Tell me, Cas,” she said as she lay down and rolled onto her stomach to see Cas behind her, “do you put this much effort into getting dressed when we go out?  For anything?”

Castiel was silent for a beat before saying, “Meg…”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.  That shirt is hot on you.  Wear that.  Ooh, and those jeans that make your ass look hot.”  She stood and rummaged through the closet until she found them.

“It’ll be too warm to wear jeans,” Cas complained half-heartedly as he slipped his basketball shorts off and slid the jeans on. 

“Sacrifices, dear,” she said.  “You wanna land the man, you gotta show him the goods.”  Meg approached him from behind and pulled on the jeans near his crotch, paying no mind to Castiel’s discomfort as she manhandled the goods to which she’d referred.  “There.  Highlight your assets.  Speaking of, turn around.”  She took his arm and turned him.  She made minor adjustments to the seat of his pants, then slapped his rear.  “Mmm, mmm,” she leered.  “If you weren’t gay, I’d do you.”

“Dear Lord, Meg,” he smiled shyly as he shook his head.  She turned his head toward the mirror so he could see himself from behind.  “I guess these’ll do.”  He smiled again as he turned and gave himself a final once-over.  Yes, this outfit would do just fine.  He whistled as he strolled to the bathroom to style his hair.

“So hey, don’t think it escaped our notice that you used the black book,” Meg called. 

Cas stopped styling his hair for a moment.  He was hoping she’d forgotten about that.  “So?”

“So, we all know what that means.  Permanence.  You want him in your life for a while, eh?”

Cas was a list-writer, an observer.  He used the book, a gift from Michael, to jot down things he wanted to remember about important people in his personal life – food preferences, gift ideas, favorite colors and movies, memories and funny stories (that he could perhaps use as blackmail later), and so on.  He liked remembering the little details about those he cared about the most. 

“Just because I wrote down his steak preference in the book….”

“And his preference for pie over other desserts, and that he doesn’t like feta cheese, and that he liked his whiskey neat… we noticed you jotting things down.”  Her teasing tone was affectionate.  “You only use that book if you want someone to stick around.  I don’t think you’ve added anyone to that book for a while now.”

“I added Benny and Andrea, too,” he argued.

“Yeah, but probably because you figured you’d be seeing more of them, too, if everything goes well with Dean…”

Castiel sighed.  Meg always saw right through him.  “I just want to take it one step at a time.  Hopefully we can at least be friends.”

Meg smiled.  “He seems like a good guy, Cas.  Not that any guy would be good enough for you and Eli, but he seems cool.  A family guy.  And he really likes both of you.”

Despite his lingering doubts, Castiel smiled.  He certainly hoped so.

***

“Icy Delights,” Jess read, “a treasure trove of traditional and gourmet ice cream flavors.  Sounds good.”  She was reading from his search engine history.

“You weren’t supposed to see that,” Dean grumped as he snatched his phone away from her.  He’d put his date – no, their get-together – down in his calendar so he wouldn’t forget (as if), and he needed to look up the address of the place they were meeting.

“So, you nervous?” she asked kindly. 

“As a cat riding in a car,” he acknowledged.  “But it’s fine.  It’s ice cream, not fine dining.  I won’t have to worry about which fork to use.”  He smoothed the wrinkles out of the fitted black tee he’d chosen, decided it was too wrinkled, and whipped it off before choosing a similar style in black with a slim green stripe crossing the chest.

“Your first date.  It’s so cute to see you so nervous.”

“It’s not a date, like I said how many times now?”  Her implication that this was a date only made him more nervous.  He bit his lip as he considered whether to change the black jeans he was wearing.  Again.

“Maybe he just figured this would be a good way for you guys to try it out.”

“He’s not interested, Jess.”

“I doubt that.  You just aren’t seeing it.”

“Exactly.  I’m not seeing it.  He’s a nice guy, that’s…”

“Dean.  Even nice guys don’t ask you if you want to go for ice cream with their kid unless they want to hang out with you.”

“The swear jar thing…”

“He never had to tell you it was filled.  Right?  But he did.”

“Yeah, but…”

“And he’s not Cole.”

Dean sighed.  “I know, I know.  He’s way better than Cole.  He’s been so nice about my job, like it’s important, you know?  He’s sweet and humble and good with his kid.  Fuck, he’s perfect.  That’s what’s screwy about this whole thing, Jess.  Am I missing something here?  I mean, this guy should be happily married to some other perfect asshole.”  Dean massaged his temples to ease the headache he was getting from thinking about this too much. 

“Maybe he’s had the same problem as you,” Jess said as she rubbed his back.  “Maybe he can’t find a guy who wants to have kids.  Maybe his job weirds people out.  Who knows?  Maybe you should ask him.”

Dean spritzed some cologne onto his neck and stared at his reflection.  Maybe his luck in love would finally turn around.  If a guy like Cas was still single, there had to be some hope.

***

A noisy black vehicle rumbled into the parking lot of Icy Delights, and Elijah’s eyes zeroed in on its occupant.

“There he is, Daddy!  Mr. Dean!”  Elijah shouted.  Castiel stood from the baby blue picnic table and raised his free hand, his other grasping his son’s so he wouldn’t run off.  They walked toward Dean, who looked handsome in black jeans and a black tee.  If Castiel were so inclined to call someone hot, Dean would definitely fit the bill.

Dean saw Eli and Castiel heading toward him.  “Heya, buddy!” Dean called.  When he was safely close enough, Castiel allowed Elijah to break free from his grasp and he ran to Dean, who lifted him and swung him around.  “Heya, Cas,” he smiled when he’d stopped spinning.  The dazzling smile he received in return made him feel like he was spinning again.  Cas looked freakin’  _hot_  in slim-fit blue jeans and a blue polo that left little to the imagination.  He hadn’t seen the normally conservatively-dressed man in such a provocative outfit before, and he liked it.  He wondered if Castiel had dressed that way on purpose for Dean or if it was just something he’d picked from his closet casually, not really caring what he wore – it was just ice cream, after all.  Whatever his decision-making process was, Dean wasn’t going to complain about the results. 

“Let’s get some ice cream, shall we?” Cas said.  Dean felt like he’d been shaken awake.  Had he been staring?

“Ice cream!” Elijah cheered in a triumphant growl, a fist in the air as if he’d won a prize.  Castiel allowed Dean to keep Elijah in his arms as they walked toward the line, and Dean couldn’t help but feel proud.  Dean repeated Elijah’s words and gesture in a whisper-scream, and they surged forward in a jog to the back of the line.  Castiel chuckled at their interaction, and continued to smile as Dean and Eli discussed the relative merits of sundaes versus parfaits.  They were comfortably quiet next to each other as they considered the ice cream flavors.  Eli filled the space between them easily.

“Mr. Dean, I’m getting fudge ripple with rainbow sprinkles!  Daddy likes the weird ice cream.  Last time he got somethin’ that tasted like strawberries and leaves.  They have ice cream that has flowers in it!  Did you ever taste flowers?  They taste weird.  Daddy had some that was a purple flower.  It had a long name.  Auntie Meg said Daddy has lousy taste in ice cream, but I think she’s kidding.  Auntie Anna likes fudge ripple like me.  She tries to eat mine.  And Uncle Gabe gets three flavors all put together!” 

Dean nodded patiently and made the appropriate interested noises as Eli talked.  Occasionally he looked over at Cas for clarification – “Strawberry and Basil” and “Lavender” – and occasionally he looked over at Cas just to admire him and to imagine a life, somewhere in the future, where this was a regular occurrence.

“Your son is darling!” a fifty-something woman said from the line next to him as she touched Dean’s arm.  She was looking at him and clearly waiting for some response, as people do when they speak.  He was momentarily stymied, and so he said, “Uh, thank you,” which he knew was the wrong thing to say because this child wasn’t his.  He looked over at Cas to mutter an apology, but Cas was smiling and rubbing Eli’s back right near where Dean’s hand was supporting him.  He was speaking to the woman, something about Eli, but Dean could only focus on the fact that Cas hadn’t bothered to correct him.  What did that mean?  Probably nothing, but it still felt good.

Elijah ordered what he said he would, and Dean ordered chocolate on a sugar cone.  Castiel ordered two scoops of something called “heart.”  Castiel paid with the swear jar money, and they started to make their way toward the picnic tables by the playground equipment. 

“You can put him down, Dean.  His ice cream tends to drip before he can catch it.  I’d hate for you to get your clothing dirty,” Castiel said.  The last thing Castiel wanted was for his son to get Dean all sticky and ruin his clothes – the man didn’t have children and wasn’t used to his clothing being smeared with all sorts of solids and liquids.  His traitorous mind wandered to Dean having to take his clothes off to throw them in the wash.  He bit the inside of his cheek to bring himself back to the present.

“Eh, I don’t mind, Cas,” Dean smiled at him.  In truth, he was enjoying his time with the little guy.  He didn’t mind if Eli spilled the entire contents of his cone on him.  His adoring little face and excited voice more than made up for it. 

Eli hopped down when they reached the table.  After a few minutes of attacking his cone, the swings seemed to be calling his name, and he begged his father to be allowed to play.  His cone was only half-finished.

“If you go now, you have to throw your cone away and there’s no more ice cream,” Castiel warned in his dad voice, which was even deeper and more authoritative than usual even in its gentleness.  Dean focused on breathing slowly to will away his arousal.  Eli convinced his father that he knew the consequences and he was all done with his treat, so Cas wiped his hands and let him go.  Cas and Dean were now alone. 

“So what is heart ice cream, anyway?” Dean asked, curiosity getting the better of him.  “Some sort of love concoction?”  He closed his eyes in embarrassment immediately after.  All he ever seemed to do was put his foot in his mouth when he was around Cas.

“No,” he chuckled, “or I wouldn’t be single right now.”  Dean laughed as Cas continued, “It’s HART – as in H-A-R-T.  Honey, almonds, rosewater, and tea in a coconut base.”

“Sounds exotic.”

“Try it,” Castiel urged him as he held his cone out to Dean.  He watched the shadow of doubt cross his face.  “Come on, Dean.  I know the flavors sound like they shouldn’t blend together, but they do.  How often do you try something new?  You never know.  It could work out.” 

Dean’s lips parted slightly at the words.  Was there a double meaning there?  Probably just his hopeful imagination, he surmised.  He smirked and took the cone from the other man’s hand, brushing his fingers accidentally.  “You’re not a germophobe, Cas?”  He took a lick of the ice cream before Cas could answer.  “Holy crap, that’s good.”

Cas watched him intently as Dean swirled his tongue around the confection.  “No, I don’t have mysophobia,” he smiled when Dean handed the cone back to him.  He pointedly licked the same spot Dean did, which made Dean’s pupils dilate slightly.  “If I did, I suppose I’d be in the wrong line of work.”

“You and me both,” Dean said as he nudged Cas’ elbow with his own.  He willed his heartbeat to slow and his face to cease working its way from friendly smile to dopey, sloppy crush-sick grin. 

After a few moments of easy silence and sneaking peeks at the DILF next to him (he couldn’t believe he even thought of that term, but it fit), Dean’s curiosity got the better of him once again. “So, I have to ask.  Proctology.  Why?”  He cringed internally.  He’d wanted to ask that much more tactfully.  He really needed to learn when to keep his curiosity to himself.

Castiel smiled tight-lipped at him before answering.  “It’s not something I thought I would do when I was little.  But my dad died of colorectal cancer when I was 15.”

Dean felt horrible for digging up something so painful.  “I’m sorry, Cas, I…”

“It’s okay, Dean,” he assured him as he lightly touched his forearm before placing his elbow on the table behind him.  “It was a long time ago.  He was my hero growing up, and to lose him at such an important age… it was difficult.  There was such a strange sense of secrecy or shame around it, too, like no one wanted to acknowledge what kind of cancer he had, for some reason.  I never understood it.  Well, I did in the vague sense of ‘oh, we don’t talk about  _those_  parts of our bodies,’ but I always thought that was stupid.  Our bodies need to be able to remove waste products, or we become extremely sick and die.  It’s not glamorous, but it’s necessary and vital.  It’s very similar to your job, really.  Without proper sanitary practices, we can become very ill and die.  Anyway, I just thought it was an injustice to my father to not talk about the way he died, or to hear jokes about it.  Whether someone dies from a ‘taboo’ illness like colorectal cancer or mental illness, or from a drug overdose while sitting on their toilet, or during sex, it is a loss of life, and that life is important to someone and should not be belittled or mocked.  So I chose, instead of being embarrassed, to embrace the taboo and to try to help as many people as I could.” 

Dean was enraptured by Cas’ story.  The man was more incredible every time he spoke.  “It’s cool as hell, Cas, what you’re doing,” Dean said.  “My dad died when I was 18.  He died of a brain aneurysm.  That was easy to tell people, you know?  People felt sympathy.  It was almost a relief that he died of that, to be honest.  I always thought I was gonna have to tell people he died of alcoholism, which was way more likely considering how much he drank.  I’m not sure I could’ve embraced it like you did, not then.  Maybe I could now, though.  Maturity and all,” he said with a half-smile.  Cas nodded and returned the smile.

“Amazing what time and experience can do for us,” he mused.  “So, what about you?  Why sanitation?”

“No heroic story there, I’m afraid,” Dean said.  “After my father died, I needed to help my mom – my brother wanted to go to college and Dad left a lot of debt – so I floated around at different jobs.  None of them were really great – they were okay but they didn’t come with benefits and whatnot.  Few years ago, I saw an ad.  City benefits, decent pay for a single guy, paid time off.  I was getting older and couldn’t afford to go without insurance anymore, so I tried it out, figuring I’d stay until something better came along.  Six years later and I’m still there.  The guys are like family, you know?”  Castiel smiled and nodded.  His look was so warm and attentive that it made Dean fidget.  “And it’s not bad work. Like you said, I’m helping my community, making things cleaner for everyone.”  Castiel was twisted around so he could face Dean, and the positive regard in his eyes made Dean say something he hadn’t planned to share.  “I, uh, I’m thinking of starting a recycling business, actually.”

“Recycling?  Like city-wide curbside recycling?” Castiel asked with more than a little interest.  Dean nodded, and Cas said, “That would be fantastic.  I’ve wished for that for a long time.”

“Yeah, I’ve been talking with people about a business plan and loans and stuff.  I’ve gotta propose it to the city council and shit, but I’m hoping maybe next year or the year after.”

“Wow.  Well, I would definitely love to see that.  I think there are enough people on board with recycling now who would like to see that, too.  I bring our recyclables to the city transfer station and I see a lot of other people there doing the same thing.  Curbside collection would be so convenient.”

“Yeah, well, I hope I can do it,” Dean said shyly.

“If anyone can, you can,” Castiel replied.  Dean’s face grew hot with the compliment.

They sat for a few minutes in comfortable silence, the awkwardness of talking about their dead fathers forgotten.  Dean watched the adults on the playground with their children.  They were all mothers.

“Are you still with his mom?” Dean asked.  Castiel was confused at the sudden question, but quickly recovered.

“I was never with his mother.  Gay, remember?” Castiel laughed.  “I used an egg donor.  The pregnancy was hell on my body, though.”

“Ah, gotcha,” Dean replied.  Something about that made him feel much better.  He then processed the last sentence Castiel said and looked over at the smirking man.

“Asshole,” he laughed.

“Just seeing if you were paying attention,” Castiel replied with a grin.  “Meg, who you met at the party?  She was my surrogate.”

Dean looked at him incredulously.  “Meg?”

Castiel knew what he was thinking.  It was what most people who knew of Meg thought when they learned she carried Elijah.  “I know she seems all snarky and cool on the outside, but she really is a good human being under all that,” he smiled.  “She’s been through a lot.  Anyway, I was going to ask Anna, but I knew she’d like to have her own children someday and I didn’t want her first pregnancy to be with a child that would never be hers.  Meg volunteered.  She has never been interested in having her own children, but we have been friends for a long time and she wanted to do this for me.  I’ll always be grateful.”

“Me too,” Dean said without thinking and fought back an embarrassed flush.  Castiel’s face looked so radiant, though, that he wasn’t going to take it back.  He would endure the mortification of saying something so sappy if it meant that look stayed on the man’s beautiful face.  He did, however, plow on with his inappropriately personal questions.  He figured in for a penny, in for a pound.

“So, why didn’t you wait until you met Mr. Right?”

Castiel chuckled darkly.  “Because Mr. Right wasn’t showing up and I was tired of waiting.  I had my fun when I was younger, but by the time I hit 28 I just wanted to settle down.  I thought about it for some time.  The men I dated weren’t interested in parenthood or in commitment.  Eventually I decided to take matters into my own hands.  I didn’t want the lack of a partner to stop me from having a child.  By 30 I was actively searching for donors.  By 31 I was a parent.”

“Wow, Cas,” Dean said, genuinely impressed.  Cas smiled sadly.

“I would’ve preferred to have a partner,” Cas admitted.  “I still would.  But if I thought my dating pool was small before, well… it has gotten considerably smaller since having a child.  It’s more like a puddle than a pool.”  He gave Dean a half-smile that tugged at his heart.

“I admire you, though,” Dean said.  “You wanted a child and you found a way to do that.  You ever consider adoption?”

“I did, but the adoption process was somewhat difficult for a gay single man.  I decided I would try this first.  It worked out.”

“It worked out well, if you ask me,” Dean smiled.  “He’s awesome.”

“He is,” Cas agreed.  “Do you want children someday, Dean?  You’re very good with them.”

It was Dean’s turn to smile sadly, and Castiel recognized the look of longing.  He wore it himself for many years.  “I always have, yeah.  Long as I can remember.  But, uh, I have the same issue you did.”  Dean paused, and then decided to go for it.  “No Mr. Rights lining up at my door wanting a commitment and children.”

Cas nodded.  He understood.  A tiny shiver of joy coursed through him in learning that Dean was gay, but he tamped it down to listen to the man talk about the family he wished he had.

Seeing only understanding, Dean continued, “Family is so important to me.  I dreamed about having a big family – the house with the kids and their friends screaming through it and someone to share it with, someone to turn to and say, ‘What the hell were we thinking?’ even though we love it.”  The men shared a laugh.  Castiel could certainly picture that, and he felt Dean’s desire as acutely as his own.  “Once I figured out I was gay I thought I wouldn’t have that, but people told me it might be hard but I could adopt or get a surrogate or whatever once I settled down with someone.  They didn’t tell me the hard part would be finding someone to have that with, you know?”  Castiel nodded.  Of course he knew.  “I haven’t quite stopped hoping, but I’m 34 now.  It seems like that dream is getting further out of my reach.”

“Well, yes, 34 is fairly old,” Castiel observed.  “You’re probably better off shopping for coffins than cribs.”  At Castiel’s teasing grin and wink, Dean’s nervous arousal shot up.  He shoved the man playfully.

“Uh, I believe you’re older than me, you jerk,” Dean laughed.

“True, true,” Castiel said.  “Seriously, though, Dean, I know it seems like it’s slipping away, but don’t give up.  There are good people out there.” 

“Yeah, there are,” Dean murmured.  He turned his face to meet Castiel’s, and they held their gaze for a moment until a little voice said, “Daddy, watch!”  They turned toward the playground to watch Eli’s stunt on the monkey bars and clapped when he was finished.  Castiel glanced at Dean’s open, happy face and tried to figure out whether now would be a good time to ask the man out on a proper date, just the two of them.  Before he could wonder whether he would say yes, Castiel watched Dean’s face morph into one of confusion, then outrage. 

“Son of a bitch,” he muttered.

“What?”

“My nieces are here.”  He pointed to the playground, where his nieces were clearly trying not to look his way.  “Which means my brother and my sister-in-law are here.”  Dean looked annoyed. 

“Is that bad?” Castiel asked, confused.

“It means they’re spying,” Dean scowled. 

“Why?”

“Because they’re nosy,” Dean grumbled.

“Why?  Have you spoken about us?”

Dean covered his face.  “Maybe,” he admitted in a tiny voice.  He felt so humiliated.  Apparently curiosity ran in the family.  Damn it.  Cas was going to think he was a freak.

“Well, we should quell their curiosity, then, shouldn’t we?” Cas asked lightly.  Dean peeked through his fingers at Cas, whose eyes danced with good humor.  “I have a family with questionable but kind-hearted motivations too, Dean.  I’m flattered that they’d want to meet us.  Or Eli, as the case may be.”  Castiel didn’t want to assume anything.  It was very likely that Dean had told them about the little boy on his pickup route, not the boy’s father.  “Go ahead and call them over.”

“I’m sorry about this, Cas.  You’re a helluva good sport.”  Castiel laughed and waved his hand dismissively.  Dean sent his brother a text.

_From Dean 6:57pm:  You’ve been found out, bitch.  Get over here and say hi.  Can’t believe you came out here._

A lovely couple came into view from their right, carrying tall cups that probably contained shakes.  Dean was steaming, but Castiel was giggling to himself.  Poor Dean.  He knew firsthand the type of humiliating things families and friends could do.  When they appeared in front of them, the couple had the good sense to at least look sheepish.

“Cas, this is my asshole brother and my asshole sister-in-law,” Dean grumbled as Cas laughed.

“I’m sure you have proper names,” Castiel said as he extended his hand.  “Castiel Novak.”

“Sam Winchester,” the tall man, Dean’s brother, said. 

“Hi, I’m Jess,” the tall blond woman with the crushing handshake said.  “It’s a pleasure to meet you.  How funny that we met up here!  The kids love it here.”

“Can it,” Dean scowled, though his tone was less angry than before.  “And I see you over there peeking this way!” he called with mock gruffness to his nieces, who giggled and ran back to the play equipment.  “Spies, the lot of you!”

“We weren’t spying…” Sam argued.

“We were totally spying,” Jess admitted.  “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Castiel smiled, which made Dean feel a lot better.  “Dean met my family and friends last weekend.  It’s a pleasure to meet his.  Join us,” he said, pressing close to Dean as he scooted over.  Dean licked his lips unconsciously at the feel of Cas’ warm body against his. 

“Daddy, who’s that?” Eli asked.  Dean had been so focused on Cas he didn’t even see Elijah come their way. 

“This is Mr. Dean’s brother, Mr. Winchester, and his wife, Mrs. Winchester.  Can you say hello?” Cas said as he pulled the boy into his lap.  He waved shyly at the couple, who smiled back.

“If it’s okay with your dad, you can call me Sam and call her Jess,” Sam said, leaning down to speak at the boy’s level.  Eli looked at his father for permission, and Castiel nodded.

Dean, sitting right behind Eli next to his father, leaned into Eli’s space and stage-whispered, “You should call them Picklehead and Picklepuss,” he joked.  Eli giggled and shook his head, simultaneously thrilled and shocked at the suggestion that he should call grownups things like that.  “But those are their real names!” Dean animatedly tried to convince him and Eli shrieked with laughter, making them all laugh with him.  Eli crawled into Dean’s lap and told him he was silly, causing them to argue back and forth playfully about who was sillier until Eli wiggled his fingers in the crook of Dean’s neck, making him laugh and admit that he was indeed sillier than Eli.  Satisfied, Elijah ran off to play with Skye and Marianna, who’d come to see what the commotion was.  Sam’s, Jess’, and Cas’ eyes were all on him. 

“What?” Dean asked self-consciously.

“You’re just so good with him!” Jess gushed and Sam nodded.  Castiel just smiled warmly at him.

He tried to dismiss the compliment.  “Yeah, well, same mental age,” he joked.

Sam and Jess tried to argue at Dean’s attempt at self-deprecating humor, but Castiel said, “Yes, my child is very, very advanced for his age.”  He looked at Dean with a small smile and a raised eyebrow, daring him to try to speak ill of himself again.  Sam and Jess laughed and clapped Castiel on the shoulder while Dean flushed a cardinal red.

Half an hour later, Castiel announced he needed to get Eli home for bed.  Amidst “nice to meet you” and “thank you for coming” and other friendly words of departure, Elijah wanted a hug from Dean.  In his father’s arms, he leaned toward Dean, who raised his own arms to accept the child.  With one open arm, Eli surprised both men by clasping onto Dean’s neck and tugging him toward them while still hanging onto Cas, holding them both in a tight hug.  Castiel took a deep breath and completed the circle by wrapping his free arm around Dean’s waist.  Dean felt his body light up to the tenderness of both father and son, and he reciprocated the gesture.  They stood embracing longer than strictly necessary for a friendly goodbye.

“They look like a little family, huh?” Sam said under his breath to his wife.

“Yeah, they do,” she answered.  “Oh, he is soooo screwed.”


	8. Sixth Tuesday

Dean talked a lot with his brother and sister-in-law over the weekend, and they finally convinced him to go for it. 

“Remember our deal,” Sam had reminded him.  “If he still seemed interested by the end of August, you’d ask him out.  Here we are, Dean.  It’s go time.”

“And before you worry yourself into not doing it, let me assure you that I know when a man is interested, and he was verrrrry interested,” Jess had added.  “And he’s very nice, and he’s friggin’ hot.”

“You keep saying that.  I’m getting worried,” Sam had teased.  They were great together.  Dean really wanted a relationship like theirs. 

His sister-in-law was right.  Castiel was very,  _very_  hot.  Seeing him in that shirt and jeans had done things to him, things he revisited later that night in the shower.  Still, he had a bit of lingering doubt.  “Yeah, but his job…”

“Dean, if you say his job is so much better than yours, I’m going to slap you,” Jess had said, irritated by his usual attempts to convince himself he wasn’t as good as others.

“Do you know how much colon and rectal surgeons make, Jess?  No pun intended, but  _holy shit_ , they make a lot.”

“You know what, Dean?   _He… doesn’t… care... about… your… job._   And neither should you.  He likes you.  Period.” 

Dean had thought back to the looks, the talking, the little touches… the hug.  Oh, that hug felt like heaven.  Would he really pass up a future that could include that just because of a little self-doubt?

“Okay,” he’d finally relented.

So here he was, the last Tuesday that Cas would be around in the morning, the last Tuesday before school started and Eli would be gone, no longer a part of his Tuesday routine.  Until that moment, he hadn’t realized quite how much he would miss that.  He wished he could be dressed better, that he wasn’t coming off the back of a trash truck, but hey, Cas knew what he did for work and there wasn’t any other way he was going to catch the man.  His palms felt clammy under his gloves and sweat covered his body under the coveralls, a sweat not caused by the warmth of the late August day.  He saw the house as they approached; he saw the little boy he’d grown so fond of bouncing in circles. Now or never, he thought as he crossed the street after picking up at their neighbor’s house across the way, the one where Eli and Cas had splashed in a huge puddle and Cas looked downright sinful.  As he crossed, though, something was off.

“Hi, Mr. Dean!” Eli shouted.  Dean and Benny greeted him with a smile, but Dean was distracted.  There was someone who was not Castiel sitting on the porch.  She approached slowly as Eli chattered about his latest Batman coloring book.  He hoped he looked like he was paying attention, but he wasn’t sure he really did.

“I said do you want to see it, Mr. Dean?” Eli asked as he tugged on Dean’s hand.  Benny jabbed him in the back with a finger.

“Oh, uh, yeah, of course I do, buddy, sorry.  It’s so hot out here I stopped thinking for a minute,” he said, trying to cover up his lapse in attention. 

“I’ll get you some lemonade!” he yelled and ran into the house before either Dean or Benny could stop him.

“Hello,” Not-Castiel said as she stood before them.  She was older, but the sparkle in her eyes made her look like she should be wearing a purple outfit and one of those red hats, causing mischief wherever she went.  “I’m Mildred.  I live next door.”

“Pleasure to meet you,” Benny said as he stepped beside Dean.  Dean is pretty sure he mumbled something similar, but he wasn’t sure.  He was too focused on the fact that she wasn’t Cas.  His mind rambled through gloomy thickets of disappointment as he assumed the worst – that Cas wasn’t really interested, that he’d been turned off by Dean’s family showing up, that Dean was getting too friendly.

“That boy does adore you, doesn’t he?” she chirped to Dean, who nodded dumbly.

“Gee, we weren’t expecting a lovely lady like you to be waitin’ for us today,” Benny commented.  His charming tone made the woman smile delightedly.  “We usually have to look at his father’s ugly mug,” he joked, and she tittered.  “Where’s he off to today?”  Dean appreciated that Benny was trying to figure out where Cas was. 

“Well, Castiel called me this morning and asked me to come over to watch that beautiful little boy in there,” she replied.  Dean already knew she was babysitting him and he was impatient to have her get to the answer he really wanted.  “That boy just lights up a room, doesn’t he?  Castiel was afraid he woke me up but I told him of course he didn’t.  I’m an old lady and I’m up at 5:00 on the dot, every morning.  Anyway, so of course I said yes.  So I made my way over, oh, about an hour ago.  We’ve been having the best time.”  She smiled as she finished her retelling of the morning’s events, none of which actually included  _where Cas was_.

“So, what, is Castiel hidin’ on us, or what?  Where’d he get off to?” Benny teased.   _Thank you, Benny._

“Oh, he said he got called in to an emergency surgery this morning.  He seemed preoccupied, I’ll say.  Such a sweet man.  He really needs someone in his life.”  She leaned forward and whispered, “He’s gay, so it’s been difficult for him,” then continued in a normal tone, “but I’m sure he’ll find someone.  A man like him won’t stay single forever.”

“That’s true,” Benny nodded knowingly as Eli rushed back out, cups of lemonade in his arms.  The paper cups with the plastic lids made Dean want to cry. 

“Thanks, bud,” Dean said to the 5-year-old as he ruffled his hair.  “That happen a lot, Mildred, him having to rush to surgery like that?”

“Oh, every so often, yes,” she mused.  “Usually he calls his sister, the redhead, but sometimes he calls me if she’s busy.  He’s always so apologetic, but I never mind when he calls.  He does very important work.  His sister even told me that he consults for people in other parts of the country!  I just don’t understand why some nice young man hasn’t married him.  It’s legal now.”

A honking from the truck’s horn reminded them to continue on. 

“Well, we gotta go, buddy,” Dean said as he kneeled in front of the boy.  He had no idea if he would see him again.  They usually planned their pickup routes so that they could avoid the school bus traffic as much as possible.  With next Monday being a holiday, they would be even busier trying to fit all of the usual Monday stops in along with Tuesday’s.  “Hey, if I don’t see you next Tuesday for your first day of school, have fun, huh?”

“I will, Mr. Dean!  Bye, I love you!”  Tiny arms encircled his neck, and this time he couldn’t stop the tears.

“Love you, too, Eli,” he whispered just for the boy to hear.

Grasping the cup of lemonade in a shaky hand, he walked back to the truck.  This had been his last chance, and it was gone.  Benny patted him on the shoulder as he passed and gave him his space.

That night, Dean refused to answer the multiple texts he received from Sam, Jess, and his mother.

 


	9. Seventh Tuesday

“And I’m gonna meet other kids!  And I have a red chair, Daddy!  Mrs. Butler gave me a red chair!”

“I know, Bug,” Castiel smiled.  He couldn’t believe the child’s first day of school was already here.  He knew it was trite, but they really did grow up so fast.

“Mr. Dean said to have fun on my first day,” Eli reminded him once again.  He’d told him every day for the past week.

“You should take his advice,” Castiel replied.  As he gave his son’s hair a final once-over and checked his backpack yet again, he thought about his last chance to see the handsome man and how it had been blown due to a patient’s intestinal perforation which required emergency surgery.  It wasn’t anyone’s fault, but Castiel regretted not getting Dean’s phone number or finding out where he lived.  Now he’d probably never see him again.  This was the last Tuesday he was scheduled to go in late to work; Anna could’ve been here, but he couldn’t miss his son’s first day. 

“Let’s go, Daddy!  Let’s go!” Elijah called, bouncing at the door.  He stepped outside with his son and took a few photos of them together, and more of Eli by himself.  He would always remember this day.  He just wished that the day included Dean. 

As the bus arrived at the house, Castiel plastered a smile onto his face.  Eli was a little sad that Dean wasn’t there and seemed hesitant about leaving, so after a little pep talk Castiel gave him a hug and told him it was from Dean.  He’s sure Dean wouldn’t have minded, and it made Eli feel better.  He took a picture of Eli in front of the bus, then gave him another hug and watched him climb the stairs with wide strides.  He returned Eli’s frantic, happy waves before hurriedly jumping into his SUV and driving to the school.  He wanted to make sure Eli got settled into his new school without a problem, and he wanted to take a few more photos there. 

He wished he could send Dean the photos of Eli on his first day of school.  He wished he had a way to contact Dean without looking like a stalker.  He wished he could leave a note in his mailbox.

***

Dean floated in melancholy despite the annual first day of school phone call to his nieces that morning.  He loved them – adored them – but they were a constant in his life and although he never took that for granted, there were times when he wanted more.  He thought he could’ve had more, but that seemed dashed.

Dean had to be out extra early that morning.  Collection was starting at 6:00am instead of the usual 7:00 so that they could start collecting from the Monday neighborhoods as well.  This would put them later than usual getting to Cas’ neighborhood.  Maybe they’d get to see Eli’s bus.  It was an unlikely prospect, but it was all he had today.  If they got to his neighborhood in time, maybe Dean could try again with Cas.  Anna was done her class, but Castiel wouldn’t miss out on his son’s first day of school, would he?

They made good time and actually rumbled into Cas’ neighborhood around 8:25, their usual time.  There were no children lining the street.  Dean knew he’d missed it, and even though the boy was not his son, he was inexplicably sad.  When they passed his house, Castiel’s SUV was gone.  Sadness became despondence.

Well, that’s it, Dean thought.  He wasn’t going to see them again.  Sure, he could probably leave them a note in their mailbox or show up at their door, but that seemed desperate and creepy.  Of course, Cas had no idea where he lived.  They didn’t even have each other’s phone numbers.  He’d really screwed himself over.  He went through his work robotically.

They pulled into another neighborhood, and Dean didn’t remember how they got there.  Benny was swatting him on the arm excitedly.  “Dean!  Hey!  Look!”

Dean looked at where Benny was pointing.  There, sitting on a bus in the middle of the street while Rufus chatted with the bus driver (a guy who looked about his age and was probably an old friend) was Eli, waving frantically from the window. 

“Buddy!” Dean’s face lit up as he stepped closer to Benny, who was on the same side as Eli.  Another child helped Eli open the window.

“Mr. Dean!  Mr. Benny!  Hi!” he yelled, and it was music to Dean’s ears.  “I waited for you but Daddy said we couldn’t wait any longer ‘cause the bus was there and it had to pick up other kids.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” Dean agreed.  “Can’t keep the bus waiting.”

“I know,” Eli pouted, “but I wanted to.  Daddy gave me a hug and he said it was from you but it wasn’t the same.”

Prickles of tears formed behind his eyes.  Whether he did it because he really thought that much of him or simply because he wanted his son to feel better, it made Dean feel happy to think that Cas would do something like that for his son to honor the relationship he’d developed with Eli. 

“Well, I’m sorry I couldn’t be there, buddy.  I really wanted to.”  The engine of the bus rumbled and the brakes were released.  “Good luck, have a good day, buddy!”

“It’s okay, Mr. Dean!”  The bus started to pull away, and Eli blew him a kiss.  “Bye Mr. Dean!  Bye Mr. Benny!” he called as the bus pulled away.  He blew a kiss back to the little boy and swallowed the tightness in his throat as the bus turned the corner and out of sight.  Dean sighed and collected the cans on the other side of the street.  As he returned them, he banged on the driver’s side door.

“What do you want, Winchester?” Rufus called gruffly.

“Thank you, Rufus.  Really,” Dean said.  He knew Rufus had stopped on purpose.  Rufus knew the bus routes and he knew which bus Eli would be on.

“Yeah, yeah, just don’t let it all go to shit, alright?” Rufus waved him off and Dean smiled.  Rufus liked to pretend he was a grumpy old man, but he had a heart of gold.

Dean didn’t want to answer the doorbell when it rang that night.  He knew who it would be, and he’d avoided them handily last week, even begging off their standing supper date.  They wouldn’t let it go so easily this week.  Dean opened the door to Sam, standing alone on his doorstep, a six-pack of beer in one hand and Chinese take-out in the other.

Dean mentioned that he saw Eli.  They didn’t talk about Cas and for that, Sam was forgiven for the spying incident.


	10. Eighth Tuesday

Castiel couldn’t stand it anymore.  He made two phone calls that morning, one to Anna and one to work.

“Anna?  Yeah, you don’t have to come early today.  I’m going to get Eli on the bus... No, nothing’s wrong... Yes... I’ll let you know... Wish me luck… Thanks, Anna.  Love you.”

“Hey Balth, could you run the staff meeting without me this morning?... Yes, I’ll bring you coffee… yes, the good stuff… yes, that’s why… I know it’s about time, don’t be smug.  I’ll see you when I get in.”

After Eli left, Castiel sat on the porch and waited, willing his nerves down.

***

His favorite route had quickly become his dreaded one.  Thankfully, Cas and Eli’s neighborhood was the first of the day, so he could get it out of the way.  He wouldn’t be able to see Eli anymore, because his bus came earlier than they could get to their neighborhood.  It broke his heart, but he knew from his nieces that children’s interests came and went.  Now that he was in school, Eli would probably forget all about the garbage men who came to his house.  He’d dream bigger.  His new heroes would be teachers.  It would be okay, though.  Children’s interests should change.  Too bad Dean still felt the pang of loss, foolish as it was.  The kid wasn’t his kid.  He’d conjured a fantasy in his mind, a silly daydream built on loneliness and longing and chances he never got.  As for Elijah’s father, well, that was a silly daydream too.  A wonderful, beautiful, silly daydream.

The rain sliced through his coveralls and soaked him through.  He’d forgotten to wear his poncho to keep him dry and he didn’t care.  Working their way up the familiar streets, Dean performed his job mindlessly, with the sort of blindness that happens to you when you can do a job in your sleep.  He thought of the life he might’ve had if he’d made different choices – if he’d given Cas his phone number, if he’d asked him for his, if he’d dropped a note in the mailbox again, if he’d shown up at the door one night or at his workplace, potential reputation as a crazy stalker be damned.  Dean didn’t want a different life for the creature comforts – he didn’t care about having a nicer house or a better neighborhood.  He didn’t care about having a different job – there was dignity in his job.  Cas helped him understand that.  He didn’t even yearn for the life Cas and Eli represented, one of family and stability and belonging.  No, he didn’t yearn for what they represented.  He just yearned for them.

“Dean!” a voice barked at him.  Benny.  He’d probably been trying to speak to him for a while.  Dean turned to him, eyebrows raised and waiting.  Benny nudged his chin ahead of him and said, “Go.”  Dean’s puzzled look made Benny turn Dean’s head toward the houses lining the suburban street.  He pointed.  “Go,” he said again.

They were in front of Castiel’s house.  A figure in a trench coat was standing on the porch, hands in his pockets.  Dean would know him anywhere.  “Cas,” he whispered.  He hopped off the truck and stopped, waiting.  His eyes tracked Castiel’s movement toward him, and he whipped his gloves to the ground and shrugged out of the top half of his coveralls.  As he drew closer, Cas’ smile grew wider, and Dean knew his was splitting his face apart.  Cas didn’t hesitate to fall into Dean’s waiting arms, and Dean’s entire body immediately sloughed off the stress of two weeks of separation and loss.

“Eli misses you,” Castiel spoke quietly in Dean’s ear.

“I miss him, too,” Dean assured him.

“Would it be crazy if I said I miss you even more?” Cas asked, his voice barely a trembling whisper.

Warmth swelled in Dean’s body at Cas’ admission.  “I guess we’d both be crazy, then,” Dean smiled as he hugged the man even tighter.  He felt Cas’ body shudder and sigh as he relaxed into Dean.

After a minute, Castiel released his hold just enough to meet Dean’s eyes.  “May I take you out to dinner on Saturday, just the two of us?”  His eyes hovered between hopefulness and fear.

“Yes, absolutely,” Dean breathed, his nervous excitement fluttering across Castiel’s lips. 

Dean could hear the truck pulling around the cul-de-sac, and he couldn’t be bothered to feel guilty about Benny and Rufus covering for him.  Some things were just too important.  His job, sure, that was important – every job is – but this man, tapping his phone number into Dean’s phone and sending himself a text so he had Dean’s too, was more important than anything.

He didn’t realize he was staring until Castiel stepped closer and slid his phone back into his hands.  He leaned in and pressed a kiss, soft and beautiful and full of promise, onto the corner of Dean’s mouth. 

“I can’t wait to see you on Saturday,” Cas said quietly, as if speaking too loudly would break the moment.  His lips were still close, and they brushed against Dean’s face as he spoke.  Dean turned his head and planted a kiss of his own, just as gentle and undemanding as Cas’ had been, on Cas’ mouth. 

“Me too,” he whispered.


	11. Epilogue:  Every Day

_Five years later_

                “Hey, Cas!” Anna greeted her brother as she walked into his home without knocking.  “Can you take Nola for a minute?  I’ve gotta unload.”

“Of course,” he answered as he lifted the six month old from her mother’s arms.  Her eyes lit up in recognition and she chirped happy noises while her uncle made silly faces at her.

Anna scowled as she opened the refrigerator.  “Where the hell am I gonna put these?  Your fridge is packed.  Are you planning for an army to come to the party on Saturday?”

“Language, Anna,” Castiel chided as he shifted a few things around in the fridge so Anna had room.  “Little ears.”

“What’d I say?”

“Where the hell’m I gonna put deese?” a little voice squeaked.  The tiny blonde girl was holding a basket of play dishes and food in one hand and three of her stuffed animals in the crook of her arm, including a timeworn Jeffy the orange giraffe. 

“Those are grown-up words, Maddie,” Castiel corrected her gently as he eyed his sister with irritation.

“Hey, you know she gets most of it from her father,” Anna said, raising her hands to defend herself. 

“Hey, I’ve gotten better.  Pay the jar, Anna,” Dean grinned as he stepped into the kitchen and scooped the little girl into his arms, showering her with kisses. 

“Yeah, lemme just move over the five dollar bill in here from your incident with the vacuum cleaner,” she teased as she inserted a dollar into the jar.

“That was… yeah, okay,” he mumbled.  He placed his daughter onto the floor and edged over to Castiel to steal his niece from his husband’s arms.  They spoke to each other with coos and squeals before he gave her back to Anna.

“Eli, your bus will be coming soon!” Cas called up the stairs.  “C’mon, first day back!  Hurry up!”

A 10-year-old floppy-haired, bright-eyed boy came thundering down the stairs. 

“Okay, see you later, guys!” he called as he picked up his backpack.

“Whoa, wait a minute!  Picture!  And where’s my hug?” Dean pouted.

Eli rolled his eyes but turned around and gave perfunctory hugs to Dean and Castiel.  He allowed one quick picture of himself, and then he pulled his lunchbox from the counter and raced out the door.

“He’s too cool for that now, Dean,” Cas rumbled with amusement.

“Never,” Dean proclaimed.  “What’s your day look like?”

Cas ticked off on his fingers.  “Staff meeting, appointments, video consultations with a group in Texas and another in London, and of course lunch with you.  No surgeries scheduled today.  You?”

Dean stared at the ceiling as he thought.  “Some interviews for new staff, office crap, and I have a meeting with the county bigwigs about adding contracts for all the towns in the tri-county area.  Don’t know how long that’ll go, but I’ll be ready for our lunch.” When he looked down, he saw Cas staring at him with affection and pride.  Dean blushed and rubbed the back of his neck.  “Yeah, yeah, you told me it would work out, alright?  You happy?”

“I did tell you, and I am happy.  I’m very proud of you,” Castiel smiled as he pulled in his husband for a kiss.  Castiel had watched Dean work very hard to get his recycling business off the ground.  Many nights while they’d been dating had been spent going over budgets and business plans and marketing.  Cas hadn’t minded a bit.  All he’d wanted was to be with him.  It turned out the feeling was mutual. 

“Yeah, alright, sap.  Ready to roll?”

After kisses and hugs for their daughter and niece, Castiel and Dean stepped into the drizzly September day.  They snuck in a couple of extra first day of school photos of their son Eli as he stood across the street talking animatedly to his friend, a girl that had moved in a couple of years ago.  The two of them had spent many happy days splashing in the large puddle that always formed in front of her house after a significant rainstorm.  Since she moved in, he’d taken to waiting across the street for the bus with her.  He didn’t need to wait with his dads at his house anymore.  As much as he loved them, it wasn’t cool.

Dean suddenly felt nostalgic, and he took a deep breath to stave off the threat of tears.

“What?” Cas asked curiously.  Dean turned and encircled Cas in his arms.

“Just thinking about how damn lucky I am,” Dean said as he rubbed the tip of his nose against Castiel’s.

“Now who’s the sap?  First day of school gets you every time,” Cas teased gently.  He cradled Dean’s face in his hands and licked and nibbled Dean’s lower lip.

“Oh, don’t you start that or we won’t get to work,” Dean purred as he relaxed into Cas’ touch.  Even after several years together, he couldn’t get enough of those hands (or that mouth).  Cas stopped nibbling but slid his hands back and stroked his husband’s hair, waiting for Dean to continue speaking.  “I was just thinking about everything that’s happened right here in this front yard – first days of school, Maddie’s first steps…”

“That time in the tent in the middle of the night…” Cas winked and Dean chuckled.

“Couldn’t forget that,” he said.  “And meeting you, and you standing out here waiting for me.  I don’t know what would’ve happened if you weren’t there that day.”

“I believe we would’ve found our way to each other,” Cas assured his husband as he played with the collar of his shirt.  Dean placed a soft kiss between Cas’ eyebrows.  He knew this was an old topic of conversation, and Cas was always patient with him as he worked it through.  Dean guessed the issue still stuck in his craw because the insecurity that prevented him from chasing after Cas still reared its ugly head occasionally, trying to convince him that he didn’t deserve the amazing life he was living.

“I used to be so damn worried about what I did for work, about what other people thought of me, you know?  So much that I almost missed out on this.”  He pulled his arms around Castiel a little tighter.  “You made me feel good about who I was and what I did.  But being a parent, being a husband… those are the most important jobs I’ll ever have, and I almost missed out on them.  Thanks for waiting for me that day, Cas.  Thanks for not giving up on me.”

Castiel shook his head affectionately and wrapped Dean into a searing kiss.  “You get so romantic on rainy days,” he smiled.  “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Dean smiled against his lips.  They rocked in a silent slow dance until they heard the bus motoring toward the house.  They separated and watched their son and his friend board the bus.  Despite acting like he was too cool for them sometimes, Elijah waved from the window with a huge grin on his face.  His dads waved back.

And so it went every Tuesday – and every Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, too.  They greeted the day together.  They hugged their children goodbye.  They went to work.  They came home to each other.  Tuesdays were a little extra special – they had lunch together at a greasy spoon or Dean’s office or the hospital cafeteria if Cas had to stick close by.  Weekends were reserved for errands and chores and parties and family time and couple time.  No work allowed.


End file.
